[Burtonsville, Maryland, U.S.A.]
On May 4, 2002, the very day that an EAS BAC One-Eleven plane crash with hundreds of fatalities occurred May in Kano, a ridiculous drama was unfolding in far-away New York. Let us "permit" a letter to tell the story:
QUOTE:
SIR: Please permit me to relate the show of shame by the management of Nigeria
Airways at its New York terminal, on Saturday May 4, 2002.
Flight 851 was expected to depart for Nigeria at 4.00 p.m. New York time. The
passengers were duly checked in and were advised to commence boarding at 2.30
p.m. At 4.00 p.m., there was an announcement that the
flight would be delayed for an hour due to fueling problems. To us that excuse
was laughable, since there was no shortage of aviation fuel at JFK Airport.
The passengers reported at the departure lounge before 7.00 a.m. in anticipation
of the 9.00 a.m. flight. By 9.30 am the passengers were to receive the rudest
shock of their lives when we learnt that that the quantity of fuel which was
supplied by the previous day was not up to the minimum required for the trip.
The pilot was alleged to have refused to take off until the quantity required
was supplied. Apparently cash-strapped, the Airways' staff resorted to
soliciting financial assistance in form of loans from the stranded passengers to
enable them augment the fuel. One good Samaritan passenger saved the situation
by offering a $5,000 loan.
The above report would appear incredible but it is absolutely true in its
entirety. If the management of the Nigeria Airways cannot manage an airline, I
feel it is in the overall interest of the country that it should fold up rather
than expose Nigeria and Nigerians to public opprobrium at an international
terminal where airlines of less endowed nations
than Nigeria operate scheduled flights without any constraints.
That mere fuel could cause the cancellation of a flight speaks volumes about the
efficiency of the Nigeria Airways.
Femi Ola, Abuja, FCT
UNQUOTE
Since the circulation of this letter on the Internet, it has been greeted with a mixture of revulsion, anger, embarrassment - and down right amusement - by Nigerian commentators. A $5000 loan from a passenger to fuel a Nigerian Airways plane bound for Lagos from New York ke?
I checked the calendar: it was not April 1, 2002! But still, since I did not know who this "Femi Ola, Abuja" was, who knows whether he was just "forming" this story? I could not believe it until one "Deji", who I know and I trust, wrote the following piece:
QUOTE
airport floor and car waiting for my wife and daughter to arrive. On Sunday
morning, she called us and we were all excited that she is in Nigeria. To our
surprise, she was still in New York.
UNQUOTE
Not even his enemy, Deji wrote! Nigeria Airways just lost two of its few customers!
So it was true? What the heck, so many people have since asked? Is it "by force", one Yinka asked, that we operate an Airline if we can't afford to? Can't we just crawl back to South Africa and ask that it rejuvenate that joint flight that was terminated in March 2002 - I was on its last Saturday flight from Lagos to New York on March 16, an excellent flight - another fellow asked?
Aha! Even "ocho passengers" in Aba motorpark will not ask passengers to loan them money to fill their Ekene Dilli Chukwu bus!
Moving on…..
Many more people, coming out of woodworks, have been relating their Nigerian Airways (or air ways) experiences. One "Emmanuel" wrote thusly:
QUOTE
be depressed at such insanity.
Ironically I wrote an article…. recently in which I submitted in effect that:
- Nigeria airways is more or less nothing better than an organised
scam as compared to organised crime ( well i was wrong they are a
disorganized scam after all)
- that we in so far as we can not guarantee our flight security in
post-911 reality and our ability to return to our continent of origin
are not far removed from our ancestors who were brought here as slaves and unable to return home ( once again I was wrong -
we can now 'contribute' and
'settle' people on the tarmac like we sometimes
do at home to be able to fly from NY-Lagos!)
Let me tell you why my concerns for our flight assurance are not outlandish.
When I went to Nigeria for a week last month I was told I could only fly into
Abuja but not back because of seat unavailability. I chose to return through Lagos.
At Lagos around 8pm we were told we could not be boarded. BA was overbooked!!!
British Airways ke? over-gini?!!!
Anyway all hell-broke loose as assorted Nigerian accents from all over the world
began to manifest. One said he 'garra [GUY-WAY for "GOTTA"] be in NY'
to connect the following day; an English- Nigerian said he had to be at
work in London by 9am; some other guy was connecting to some Island I
had never heard off and then there was the woman with the medical
appointment. I won't mention the kids who were visiting naija for the
first time. My own was i needed to be "in DeeCee to file ma
taxes" the following day April 15th!
Bottomline about 40 of us were booked in hotels including me who had already
been checked in. I will only tell you about how I returned from Sheraton to pick
up my bags which had to be retrieved from the plane only to learn that one seat
came open so I made it after all leaving all the others behind!
Which brings me to last week. My friend was expecting his family to arrive here
last week on naija "airways". They said they had no seats! My friend
who had paid for his ticket the same day and flown the same day on the virtually
empty flight the week before could not believe.
He called the manager in Nigeria and demanded that his family be put on the
plane. They flew in the next day - once again a largely empty aircraft. Reason -
Nigeria Airways operates a quota system whereby seats are
allocated to each office. One could be sold out and the other unsold but no one
really cares to find out unless you "know" the manager!
Friends, my sad conclusion after last month's trip was that we don't have a
government. All we have is Shakpeares characterization of the words of [a tale
told by] an idiot 'full of sound and fury but signifying nothing". I
wish to high heaven I did not have a Nigeria Airways that would come
all the way to embarass me here in a foreign land as if I don't have enough self-esteem issues already.
Wouldn't we be better off some how without them if we just rented a
jet from Avis or someone each time we want to travel? I mean should fuel
for any reason be Nigeria's problem?
By the way does anyone know how our Space Program in Nigeria is going? Finally
should we start a contribution fund to get these nincompoops out of the China
shop so we can restart our country again? Anyone
pledging $5000?
UNQUOTE
As
an early supporter of Nigeria's "Space Program" myself, I found the
last sentence particularly irritating! We
can't operation Nigerian Airways, and we are going to the Sun?
What a joke!
Finally, I think that this episode has touched a funny bone in Nigerians. Read
one wickedly funny "BabsOloye":
QUOTE
Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This
is your captain (Boneyface) welcoming you on board of Nigeria Airways.
We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and
some overtime I had to put
in at the bakery.
This is flight 126 to Lagos. Landing in Lagos is not guaranteed, but we will end
up somewhere in the South.
If luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!
Nigeria Airways has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety standards are
so high that even
terrorists are afraid to fly with us!
It is with pleasure, I announce that starting this year over 50% of our
passengers have reached their
destination.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to
turn them off!.
To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary
Bongo tea and Okin
biscuits!
For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you
find out if there really is a
God!
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we
forgot to record it from the
television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to Air Barka,
where their movie will be
visible from the right side of the cabin window.
There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is
only the early warning
system on the engines telling us to slow down!
In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for
the best view. If, however,
we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes
flies right through
the landmark!
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten
your set-belt. For
those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm
of your seat ... and for
those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a
stewardess who will explain how to fasten
yourself to your suitcase.
ENJOY Nigeria Airways!
UNQUOTE
I can't stop laughing - even though I know that it is gallows humor!
By the way, I am making sure that this my Essay gets to our Aviation Minister, the lovely nne Dr. Kema Chikwe, so that while she continues to harrass those one-aircraft, BAC-1-11-laden airline operators inside Nigeria, she should also remember to provide enough money to buy fuel into Nigerian Airways aircrafts!
Finally, do you think that maybe some people are trying to "sabotage" Nigerian Airways so that it can be privatized for peanuts?
Just as well, to save us all of this (inter)national embarrassment!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Useful
addresses:
Federal Ministry of Aviation
Federal Secretariat Complex
Shehu Shagari Way, Central Area
P.M.B.5012, Wuse, Abuja
Tel: 234-09-523112, 5232052
Fax: 234-09-5237603
Minister: Dr. (Mrs.) Kema Chikwe
Tel: 234-09-5232112, 5232132
Nigeria
Airways Limited
Airways House
Murtala Mohammed Airport
P0.
Box 136, Lagos
Tel: 01-4963953, 961577, 01-9003470-88,
01-900553, 01-490 0470
FEDERAL
AIRPORTS AUTHORITY OF
http://www.faan.com.ng/newfaan/geninfo.htm