Farouk for President

Farouk for President [5]

Orok Edem

My people, these are trying times. Before I deal with the numerous overtures that have been made to me concerning my presidential bid, I would touch on Sharia, the legal system that was introduced by Aremu the great, mention some enemies of demo crazy as proof of my patriotism, and say a few words on my administration’s plan for security, and education.

My fellow countrymen, after my last interview [Farouk for President Interview], the government of Aremu the great, CBE., has come out to deny the arrest of Pastor Bakare. They claim he was arrested by enemies of demo crazy, But yet, did you notice how all top members of the government ran out of the country at the end of February? Now, we have pastors like Adeboye, Odenigbo, Onigbinde, Okonkwo, Okosun and Bonnke the German coming out in support of this regime. If the Germans think Aremu is so good, why don't we export him to Germany and earn foreign exchange in the bargain, instead of having him traveling all over the world wasting some. I call all these pseudo priests enemies of demo crazy they should be identified and flushed out!

As the next president of Nigeria, let me make it abundantly clear that Sharia is on the ground, Nigeria is a member of OIC, Nigeria is a terrorist state, and the higher you go in Nigeria, the more corrupt you become [with no apologies to the Brits, who receive most of the stolen goods] The question now is, what is to be done?

Fellow Nigerians, you would agree with me that the present government does not know his left from his right arm, and I suggest they should ask Jangebe the difference. The government has no right to tamper with the fundamental rights of Muslims to live and die the way they want. We are practicing a demo crazy, and in such polities, strange things happen. What is this new found resolve by Aremu to heat up the polity? Where was he two years ago? Is he now going to replace Jangebe’s hand? As far as my campaign is concerned, this administration is only voicing out its legal opinion. At the end of the day, the final decision on the Sharia, would be made in Court just like the resource control case!! ‘Sharia is unconstitutional’…yeah right!

To show my loyalty to the Nigerian state, I am hereby putting it on record that I have discovered three enemies of demo crazy. The MOD, the IGP and of course our ubiquitous ASUU.

Did you hear the new one that the MOD has come up with? "That the Army would join the search for economic recovery" No general, the army should not be involved in searching for economic recovery, no matter where it is hiding. Unless, you want to tell us where the army hid it in the first place. Talking of the army, my administration would not entertain any extra budgetary spending and this Military Resource Incorporated MPRI contract to help Nigeria achieve sustainable democracy, [what the hell is that?] would be referred to the Senate for vetting. Has anybody wondered what is in the contract and how long it is going to run? How do we assess success or failure? How much is it costing us and where are the allocations coming from? Does it also cover maintenance of law and order in Ghana?

Another enemy of demo crazy is the new IGP. Apart from the cosmetic job done on the police and the reaction from certain elements in the country over the attempt at zonal promotions, after a generation of people from their part of their country have benefited from it. Who gave the new IGP the right to make laws? A 'shoot on sight policy' and the offer of nolle prosequi to armed robbers if they turn themselves in. He stated that 'they would be forgiven and rehabilitated'. To the best of our knowledge, this law has not been made by the House of Representatives [forget about the Senate, ye ye people, they are still trying to make a law on settler and indigene status of citizens] We were reliably informed that this new IGP was a member of Abacha’s Supreme Military Council. That notwithstanding, I am beginning to believe that anybody who sat in Abacha’s council or was sent to prison by Abacha should not be allowed near the seat of government. They think differently, don’t they? Fellow Nigerians, there is no 'kill and go' solution to security. This man would only succeed in driving armed robbers from Lagos to Kwara. The problem has to be tackled holistically, by restructuring and revamping the judiciary, the prison system, the police, and other internal intelligence organization to function within the ambit of the laws of the federation. Is that too difficult to understand?

ASUU. By the time you read this, the Police strike would have gone and come. Yes, in that order., and ASUU must have gone on their regular routine break. Who is to blame? ASUU of course. In as much as no one has faulted the determination of the last IGP that it is graduates from Nigerian Universities who joined the Police that ‘is spoiling the work’ ASUU stands accused. Who taught their students how to organize strikes? Fellow Nigerians, if those graduates in the Police running circles round the polity are ASUU trained products, I hereby declare ASUU an enemy of demo crazy. The sad irony is that education is too important to be toyed with.

On education. There would be free, compulsory, and qualitative education up to JSS level. We would not only revamp the educational system, we are going to create innovative styles dependent on the cultural environment of the student. For example, every body is complaining of almajiri education, who has proffered a way out? What we intend to do is register all the Mallams. Pay them for every student they send to our skill acquisition program. In other words marry skills and technical education with religious training while providing stipends to the students to meet the needs of their Mallams.

Fellow supporters, our campaign headquarters have been approached by three different groups. Ideally, we would not have exposed these contacts, but there are truthful rumors flying around that the YCE has endorsed my candidacy. Let me say it loud and clear that we do not intend to withdraw from the presidential race.

Therefore, all the groups who have reached out to us, should understand that Farouk would be president. My people, there are two unwritten rules or principles guiding the position of titular head of Nigeria. First, it would not be occupied by a rich man. Second, no intelligent man would ever be appointed president. Any body who is rich or intelligent can never rule Nigeria. It is as simple as that. These rich and intelligent people are dangerous.

The difference between Farouk and the rest of them is that all other contestants are rich and intelligent., and the current problem we are having with Aremu the great, is due to his intelligential pretensions.

Recently, agents of Harry mai Kudi, the Eze ego of Nigeria, contacted us. Their pitch was, that the presidency had been zoned to the Yarribas, and since Aremu the great, CBE was not performing, the south south zone should support Harry and after this the Yarribas in turn would support the south south. Good enough. But of course the Yarribas wanted to present Harry as the candidate. We said Otiooooo. Harry would not be president. He is too rich and intelligent. Also, in as much as the Yarribas have drawn up their Constitution. It would be fool hardy for us to let them have the presidency for another 4 years. What if within the next 28 years, they get impatient? What then? What would we use to assuage their feeling?

Our reason was also anchored on the unstated fact that the power tussle in Nigeria today is strictly a question of fashion and entitlement a.k.a. born to rule. That is, is it the fila or the long Shamgar hat which should be worn in Aso Rock. And, the Yarribas are known for their cunning. For example, have you ever seen Kongi in a buba and sokoto with a fila on his head? No. Do you ever wonder why a Yarriba icon grows his hair so long that no fila could ever balance on it. Of course this makes it impossible for anybody to si’id his fila. Couple to the fact that Ati iku, is now wearing a fila? A Fula with a fila? A fila on a Fula? Iku ati fila? What the hell is going on?

We also heard from the Ibro group. It was simple, it was direct and there was no beating about the bush.

Senator Patrick Ani asked me in Efik: Okuk ifang?

The third group that made contact was the Ikemba Front, Ikemba addressed me as Serikin Fulani of Calabar, and said we were brothers. He asked me to support his candidacy. I tried to warn him of the politics on the ground. That, there is no way in hell that the generation which fought him to a standstill, committed all those atrocities as enumerated at the Oputa Commission would willingly hand over power to an Eboe man, least wise Emeka Ikemba. They would rather die first. I asked members of his entourage, if the Eboes could kill their kith and kin on Catholic soil in Eboe land, after all CARITAS did for them in their hour of travail, what would they not do to their new found brother? He exploded, went into the regular sing song cry of.. "the Eboes are not wanted in Nigeria, the civil war is over and to integrate the Eboes, they too should be president". I didn’t budge. I told him I have never been president. Then he threw in the blackmail. "Oh you have a morbid hatred and fear of the Eboes", then concluded with the threat.... "the Eboes would rise again and would deal with people like you" Okay, I have heard.

The moral here is, where as the Yarribas could make another approach in future and the Gambaris know we could always deal, the Eboes cannot.

Fellow countrymen, could you imagine, after all my pleadings that the Eboes should sit out this one. What did they do? The Emekas have shown up again! I know you are wondering which Emeka? Is it Emeka Sunday, the Police Union Secretary; Emeka Ikemba who needs no introduction; Emeka O, the new Army spokesman; Or Emeka A, of the Commonwealth fame? I would say all of them! Emeka Ikemba, is a stalking horse, ignore him.

Was he not the one who posited this question about the Eboe presidency. "Even if you win, how are you going to sleep the first night in Aso Rock"? "Who is going to guard you"? One good thing that has come out of all this, is that the Ikemba went to Uyo 35 years after the Biafran war, and described the relationship between the Eboes and the Ibis as that of ‘brothers and sisters’. What a difference a war makes. Or, is it dividends of demo crazy?

Just for the record and so that I would not alienate my Eboe brothers and sisters who are my supporters.

There is only one Eboe man today who could be president of Nigeria. His name is Francis Arthur Nzeribe. All Francis has to do is undergo a Saulian transformation to Farouk. But would he? I don’t think so. Nzeribe is a book maker and not a gambler. And the year for the Eboes is 2011, for a continuous 8 years! If, and only if, they support my candidacy. Forget all these Peace Forums, somebody is selling somebody a dummy.

My people, my administration would do for the Eboe man what he would not do for himself. I would unleash their potential, I would harness their ingenuity, I would co opt their industriousness to make my administration they best that Nigeria would ever had. But the time is not ripe for the Eboe man to be president. Even if one gets there today, he would be handcuffed by the past and be surrounded by minders, which he would not be able to shake off, as one Yarriba intelligentsia has already suggested that ‘an Eboe should be made president with an ex military man as his vice to guard him’. What nonsense.

While on the Eboes, did you hear of the Eboe man who showed up in Australia and accosted Aremu the great, C.B.E., over the statement that ‘the Eboes would not rule’. Aremu fired back by calling the man ‘a compound fool’. My people let me make some trans - explanations. What Aremu is trying to say to the Eboes in Yarriba language directly translated into English is, that the red cap is not yet in contention, it has not and should not be thrown into the ring. I posit that the Yarribas and Gambaris have the innate ability to cut deals and deploy proxies more than the Eboes. Did you see how they handled Danga and Idi Araba? If the Eboes cannot see through the veil of abracadabra and want to jump in and be used as pawns, we would not empathize with them, when the cries of Na..eee ….naee…rent the air. Eboes take my advice, sit this one out. How old is Nigeria? Vote for me instead. Is that very difficult to do? So onye nti na onye ogbu ka train ne egbu; maka onughi piom piom, oga anu gbidigbidi!

My fellow country people, there would be Sharia in a confederation of multi religious secular entity, called Nigeria. There would be hope, love and inter marriages, life more abundant, maximum wages, resource control, pension fund, efficient railway, electricity and anything you ask for, when Farouk becomes president. There would be peace, food and shelter, free education, more political parties and freedom of the press. Just pay your taxes as at when due.

As prophet Bakare has already seen and warned: Farouk the redeemer cometh.

What can we say. Pressure is mounting and Aremu the great is billed to travel to Germany.

Farouk .. Farouk ...Farouk.......

March 2002