Ribadu and the 'Clean Sweep Ignatius' Syndrome

By

Francis Kizito Obeya

fkizito1@yahoo.com

 

 

A month or two ago, Nigerians were stunned by the news of the sacking of the Inspector-general of Police, Mr. Tafa Balogun. We had barely recovered from the shock of it all when the minister of Education Professor Fabian Osuji  was ushered into the stage of infamy as the corrupt minister who demanded 55million naira to pass on to our senile senators in order to boost the education budget so that we can do business as usual. We were watching starry-eyed as spectators must have been when Tyson first slammed the canvas under the Buster Douglas punch when we saw another upper cut delivered to the Minister of Housing and Urban Development, Mrs Osomo for doing backyard business with government property in Ikoyi, Lagos.

 

Questions people are asking now are: “Who’s next?”, “who’s safe?”, “will they open the file on the Evil Genius with a Gap tooth?”, “Who is this Ribadu sef that dares to go and pull at the beards of the untouchables?”  “Were those who have fallen really scapegoats or are there no sacred cows on this round?” And so on the questions go. I do not have answers to these questions. As a matter of fact, I have questions of my own. I must commend Mallam Ribadu on a job very well done. Pulling the rug from under the feet of the mighty is not an easy task. Two main questions gnawing at the back of my mind however, are: “Is Ribadu the genuine article or is he just another ‘clean sweep Ignatius’?”

 

“Clean sweep Ignatius” was a story I shared with friends in my ATBU days. It is a controversial story from the British novelist and parliamentarian, Jeffery Archer. Controversial because a Nigerian novelist (whose name I fail to remember) had sued Mr. Archer for stealing that story from him (piracy did not begin in Nigeria then.) On to the story (or what I remember of it):  

 

Ignatius was a newly appointed Minster of Finance in Nigeria but that was no longer news since he was about the fourth minister of finance in four months. But the new minister soon grabs the nation’s attention by opening the can of worms belonging to the Inspector -general of police. It was only a matter of time before the IG gets sacked and the minister of justice was next to losing his VIP status. Ignatius was into everybody’s file and onto everybody’s secrets like The FBI’s Herbert Hoover of old. Soon he was the most feared man in naija (like major al-Mustapha of the Abacha days.) He then made his boast to make a clean sweep of all the nation’s parastatals and bring to justice anyone found tampering with our funds. He declared an all out war on corruption and hence earned the nickname “clean-sweep Ignatius.”

 

He was invited to the office of the Head of state one day and the C-IN-C told him how proud the country was to have someone like him; someone who dared to face down corruption and looting of public funds, a trustworthy public servant and an accountable steward. Such were the accolades that General Head of State heaped on our Ignatius that day. He was also given a pistol for his personal protection(military men and guns) and a letter signed personally by the  Oga  himself  informing whoever was concerned that the bearer of that missive has the approval ,protection and backing of the Nigerian people and their leader to do whatever he wants to do.  A few months after that, Ignatius was due for a vacation. H e took his family to London to spend the holidays. As soon as they had registered at the hotel, he left his wife to take care of the kids and was on his way to the airport to board a plane for Switzerland.

 

In Switzerland and armed with a big suitcase, Mr. Minister walks into a famous Swiss bank (name withheld) and asks to see the president of the bank. He was ushered into the president’s office where he was received by the president and his vice-president.

“I am the Nigerian Minister of Finance,” he introduced himself “and I am here to demand a list of all Nigerians who have accounts in your bank, if you please.” The president was astounded by this demand but kept his cool long enough to explain to this official from the land of corrupt black monkeys how the Swiss bank system works and how secrecy was the foundations on which it was built and how it was a thing unheard of to betray the customer’s confidence to any other soul..  But the minister was unperturbed. He insisted on being furnished the list and even showed the letter from his Head of State giving him authority to do as he pleased in the interest of the country. The president commended him for being so worthy of such trust and responsibility but that would still not break the Swiss’ omerta.

 

“If you do not cooperate with me, Mr. President,” threatened Ignatius “we shall recall our ambassador and declare yours a persona non grata.”

“That would be very unfortunate Minister, but I have to uphold the expectations of my clients.” Was the reply he received? After so much unsuccessful cajoling, Ignatius lost his cool, pulled out his pistol and held it to the head of the president. He then ordered the vice president to get the list else he loses a president. As the vice president made to go and get the list, his president ordered him not to, preferring to die rather than betray his clients. It was then that Ignatius released the man, walked over to his suitcase, threw it open to reveal bundles of crisp $100 notes and popped the question ,”Sir, how can I open an account with your bank?”

 

There is a lot to think about when we hear the story of Ignatius since it portrays the African mentality. It also portrays how the white man sees us. A bunch of two-faced pretenders who would steal given the opportunity. Reading Joyce Cary’s “Mr. Johnson “will also buttress that fact.

 

In conclusion, I’d like to believe that this is the dawn of a new age where new ways of life conquer the old and myths and mentalities are proved wrong and dispelled. I want to sleep easier as a Nigerian with the belief that Mallam Ribadu is the genuine article and not some other clean-sweep Ignatius. I wait with bated breathe for him to prove me right. Or wrong.

 

Francis Kizito Obeya

Pennsylvania, U.S.A.