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Nigerian Men And Their Foreign Wives: A Rejoinder
By
We acquire knowledge from different sources, but nothing beats experience! I know about many Africans (Nigerians) who live in the United States and even after spending more that twenty years in the U.S., they have limited contact with non- Africans (whites). At college campuses, they associate with only their types. They go to predominantly Black Churches (if not Black only Churces). At their work places, they interact with non-Blacks only as need be, like going to a "mandatory lunch/meetings". They attend mostly African/Nigerian parties. They eat mostly traditional African foods. They hardly associate with white people in any cultural affairs. Believe me I have nothing against any of the behavior I have enumerated. Some Africans/Nigerians in the U.S. live in remote parts of the country and are not exposed to a whole lot besides what they see on the television. Ofcourse, we all know that white culture is dominated by "mind-your-business" attitude, therefore, in their places of abode, they do not interact with whites. But do you know what, these same people are the ones who think that they are experts in white culture. They are the ones who visit home and present themselves as more Americanized than Americans. They hardly speak to the villagers in their dialects.
My question to Sabella is what experiences do you have with white people and other non-Africans/Nigerians? The next question is, have you turned control to your Nigerian wife? You see, whether you read the Holy Bible or the Holy Qur'an it is stated that "the man is the head of the household". Don't get me wrong, I understand perfectly that being head is not tantamount to being cruel or unloving towards your wife. I think that Francis Obeya did a very good job in his rejoinder and Sabella needs to read what he wrote.
I would not have bothered to respond to Sabella's write-up if the lost of my dear friend is not very fresh in my mind. My friend was killed in a hit-and-run automobile accident at 1:30 a.m. on a Sunday night/ Monday morning because he was constantly running away from his "loving Nigerian wife". At one time, he spent the night at my house because her wife had called the cops and he was asked to leave the house for the night, to cool matters. He did all the shopping and cooking for the family. He took care of their three kids - took care of their doctors'/dental appointments and school/after school activities. The wife was constantly nagging him and calling the police because in America, if a woman calls the police, the man is usually kicked out. It came to a point where the police told the husband to seek help for the wife because they thought that she was nuts.
I am not surprised at the things Sabella had to say because Oklahoma is still backward and not a whole lot goes on there. Anyone who wants to challenge me could go ahead because I started from the midwest of the U.S., and have lived in every single part of the country. Also, for those who want to know, I have married both a Nigerian and a non-Nigerian and I can state authoritatively that the Nigerian women in America want to have it both ways. They choose the American and Nigerian cultures that go in their favor. If they happen to be nurses and make good money, their husbands become the house help or the marriage will be over. They purcahse cars and homes without involving their husbands because they have the money. In the Washington D.C. metropolitan area, more than eight Nigerian men died between 2003 and 2004 because of the treatment they received from their "loving Nigerian wives". I know this for a fact because I attended their wakes/funerals. Many Nigerian men who married Nigerian women are never home. They are mostly home from around midnight. They find excuses to be away because some of them can't stand their wives and fighting with them is out of the question because the U.S. laws are clear on domestic violence. How well-behave are the children born to Nigerians in the U.S.? The problem is that the Nigerian woman has not supported her husband in inculcating the African tradition/culture in these kids. As I stated earlier, the Nigerian woman in the U.S. adopts whatever culture that suites her.
Finally, please be honest about life in the U.S. The rate of divorce among those Africans who married their fellow Africans are as high as those of the others. The African wife applies the American culture when it suites her, like asking for equality, not respecting her husband, and calling the police at the slightest opportunity she gets. It is a big insult to say that the men who married white women "feel lucky and grateful and mightily blessed". This might be a case of the fox and the apple tree. You are knocking those who married white women probably because you are unable to have what they have - some peace and respect. Have you heard about "Live and Let Live?" "One man's meat is another man's poison?" As Francis correctly put it marriage is between two people and is nobody else's business. But more importantly, people should not talk about what they don't know.
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