Well, I managed to get out of the snaking queue in about an hour and half, and had little hassle with the immigration checker probably because it wasn’t my first time and I knew where I was going. I learnt this process is even more tedious now! I made my way to the baggage collection area and was lucky to sight my singular suitcase on time. As I made to wheel my trolley out to the waiting area I was stopped by another menacing looking immigrations expert. This time he wanted to check my suitcase and hand luggage. All around me, fellow Nigerians were been asked to clear for ‘stop and search’ as it is being called at home. On this particular day I later regretted not telling the immigrations man to open the box himself and zip it back, what with the sneer with which he was talking to me. I had a feeling the guy was some neo-Nazi freak of sorts. The psychology of this frequent search at the Heathrow Airport is that it makes you, the victim, feel like some cheap drug pusher, as other lucky passengers file past you. Needless to say, by the time I finally wheeled out at the arrival waiting area I had been made to see clearly that most of UK did not want me… Dateline Nigeria. March 2005. CNN ‘Inside Africa’ show. An interview was being granted by Mrs Ogunlesi of Ruff and Tumble Limited, a children’s wear manufacturer in Nigeria. She was busy regaling what it took her to set up and other business gist. Then the anchor person, Tumi Makgabo, asks if she will love to sell her products in Western Europe. She declined emphatically, recalling an experience she had at Zurich Airport on one of her frequent visits to Europe. She said she was detained, frisked, embarrassed and traumatized, all because she carries a green Nigerian passport. The memory was too hard for her to bear. She starts to weep, on international TV... I could only imagine what she had been put through… Dateline Nigeria May 2003. American Embassy, Carrington Crescent Victoria Island Lagos. It was my first time of applying for a Visa to the USA. I was there with my family of two. We had heard about the madness that ensued there and so we decided to check into the expensive Federal Palace Hotel nearby (with telling effect on my finances though). People usually slept outside the embassy just to get audience the next day. Our interview was for 12noon and of course like most people, we had our hearts in our mouth. We got there around 9.30am and the first thing I noticed was this large ‘Christian fellowship’ going on outside the embassy, offering bowl and all! Some smart Alec was plaguing on the frustrations of the applicants. I could hear some prayer points like ‘today na today, they must give you your visa!’ We realized the 6 o clock queue was still on and decided to join that since I wanted to travel back to my base that day. I had to tip someone because of my wife and child’s discomfort, so I joined the madness. I thank God I tipped, we would have had to reapply and come in another 8 months. Long and short, for 9 hours we were on our feet that day. We were not used to the environment and so could not take chances to go out and come back. Children and aged people alike were almost passing out, in the heat and hunger! Inside the American Embassy, the sight was like Auschwitz concentration camp in the early days of the holocaust. People milled around. People sat on the floor. The large room was stiflingly hot. The problem I quickly noticed was that only one person swiped the debit cards that were necessary for payment. One person to deal with over 5,000 per day! Is this not the American Embassy? Are they not the ones that taught us queuing models and so on? Surely I must be in the wrong place. But it was for real. I then realized that the operatives of that embassy enjoyed the bedlam just to create an impression that Nigerians were still monkeys. They were knowledgeable enough to deal with the crowd which they expected daily! The crowd outside that embassy, to me, was absolutely unnecessary if the officials were determined to make things work. The cashier who swiped debit cards was a Nigerian. I thought to myself ‘there are millions of Nigerians who will die to do that job, why not employ 5 more and make things work?’… I hear things have improved since then, but I’m not eager to confirm and I hope never to go through that experience again. Other factors to ponder… The other day on Reality TV, on our ubiquitous DSTV, a protest was filmed in an asylum house in Greek Cyprus. The protestants were singing ‘today today, tomorrow no more, if I die today I go die no more!’ Jeez! These guys were Nigerians through and through! I expected them to start singing Okocha, number 10 o! or Nzogbu, nzogbu enyimba enyi Where are there no Nigerians on planet Earth by now? And then I remembered one song that has become a big hit in South-West Nigeria, in which some guy was screaming at ‘oyibo’ people to just give him a visa, any visa, because he needed to get out of this suffering by any means. ‘eyin eyibo, e funmi li fisa!’ he screamed. Of course, the album was banned on government tv stations in the peculiar habit of burying our heads in the sand. In that song, the man had reminded Nigerians of some Nigerians deported from Libya, and exclaimed repeatedly ‘Esi Future, esi security’ (no future, no security) in Ijebu dialect, to press home his point. It is a fact that daily, many Nigerian boys and girls who have been frustrated many times at different embassies and high commissions, set out to make the trip to Europe by walking, hiking, bussing, swimming, or by being stowaways aboard airplanes and ships alike. Don’t ask me why they must go. The truth is if they all stayed, well, the Revolution may have started and reduced us by half, as we all struggle for space! Are we really, really ready for a revolution? Let’s think about that.

In the Republic of Ireland, which of late became Nigeria’s capital of what is now christened ‘citizenship tourism’, signs are pasted in their hospitals (especially maternity wards), in Nigerian languages, especially Yoruba. It is not uncommon on the streets of Dublin, or Drogheda to hear women shouting ‘iya Silifa!, mama Rasaki!’, which we taught will be restricted to the Peckhams and Brixtons and lately the Hackneys of London. In a nutshell, Nigeria is overrunning the world with its population. Nobody could tell how many Nigerians were washed away by the Tsunami of December 26, 2004 in far away Sri Lanka, India, Malaysia, and Indonesia. And nobody cares… It is therefore of utmost necessity for an International Conference to be called on the subject of Nigeria and in good time too. Many reasons support this suggestion. Firstly between 7 to 10million Nigerians reside in United Kingdom and Republic of Ireland today. About the same number of Nigerians are scattered allover the United States of America and Canada. Even South Africa is bearing the brunt of Nigerians, some of whom have taken over the booming drug business in Johannesburg. There is a notorious street in Athens, Greece, named Lagos or is it Nigeria Street. It’s the Greek headquarters of drugs and iniquities. Ghana is no exception though many peace-seeking Nigerians have decided to settle there. My Brother Dele Momodu, is one of their trail-blazers.

So if we juxtapose the figures above, between 50 and 60million Nigerians may actually be abroad, and our government continues to claim that we do not have a grave situation on hand! Remember Sani Abacha of unblessed memory seized American Lottery forms and burned them! This administration is no better, it goes to every asylum house around the world begging them to be inhuman to Nigerians and to deport them promptly as things are so rosy at home! Nigerians of course are not lazy, and many of them actually set out to work their heads off in those countries. But the bad deeds of a few, colour the majority and nobody is doing anything about that. Many Nigerians have made good and improved their countries of abode but nobody remembers that. In fact, Nigeria may arguably qualify today as the singular country whose citizens have individually and collectively contributed to contemporary world development than most. Please international community, help these Nigerians find their souls. Also, search your own souls, for how long can you hold Nigeria with primitive prejudices? Nigerians will readily come back home if things were okay, if justice prevailed and if resources were used for the common good. Not so? We have Phillip Emeagwali (father of the internet), Gabriel Oyibo, Hakeem Olajuwon, and many, many more. It pains me that Nigeria is the butt of jokes internationally even though it is clear that our best brains, yes BEST BRAINS, are scattered abroad. I was sad the day I heard that the only dentist who fixed my many cavities, one Dr Enechi, has jetted out to South Africa, never to come back again. ‘O my God! Where will I fix my pains again, I had tried so many before I found peace!’, I screamed inwards. Nigeria must have over 20,000 Professors in all field of study outside its shores today, busily contributing to world Research and Development and improvements and allowing their countries of abode to claim glory for their feats. From Nuclear Science to the Arts! Also too many Nigerian-trained professionals in different fields, first class guys, are busy toiling away on menial jobs reserved for illiterates just to make ends meet because they lack work permit. Of course, they are better off abroad for now, because they could have searched for work here for decades. At times I wonder what Nigeria will be like if all these 60 million escapees, legit and illegit, were here struggling for space with the rest of us! With the persistent level of mismanagement, Rwanda on a scale of 10, would have since happened here. If anyone is listening, let us think about this. Why is the World not showing us respect, but rather scorn is all we get? Those immigration men who take delight in embarrassing us when we enter their country do not care if we are anything worthwhile, do they? So, for the fact that so many Nigerians reside abroad and create statistics problems for other countries, a problem which has prompted the British government to ban our youth from applying at all, it may be worthwhile to have a world conference on Nigeria. Especially considering the fact that almost all our good brains are abroad today and many of them have contributed immensely to the upliftment of mankind. If not for the rest of us lesser mortals, these good guys deserve dignity by association, and need not be downcast at the fact that they hail from Nigeria. They also do not need to change their citizenship as they are wont to do right now. We will all agree that individually, Nigerians are among the most intelligent and most hardworking in the world in any field, but our nation is structured in a way that all that intelligence and hardwork will not work at home, and cannot be fertilized. I stand to be challenged that most of what we have at home are the intellectual dregs as exemplified by our leadership, and most of our academia is comatose, shallow and distracted. The serious ones have bailed out since! Another reason why a world conference may be paramount will be found in oour chequered history. With our ancestral antecedents, the world probably expects Nigeria to reinvent itself but the task is not that easy. In fact the task is becoming more impossible by the day. This is because we can only reinvent ourselves if we know ourselves. And many forces, including the world powers and our colonizers, have in the past and present militated, knowingly and unknowingly, against our ability to discuss the truth together. It will not be possible to make progress if we are unable to tell ourselves the truth about where we are and why we are there. Today Nigeria is unable to inculcate the unalloyed study of its own contemporary history into school curricula at any level. History is no longer being taught in most secondary schools and where being taught, it is all colonial stuff, about how Mungo Park discovered the Niger River in which our forefathers used to have their baths! Perhaps the strongest reason for this International/ World Conference is because Nigeria, as presently structured, cannot discuss with itself in an objective manner without political, ethnic and religious jaundice creeping in and rendering the process meaningless. Let it not surprise you that the most cynical Nigerians today are those serving in different Government positions. Granted some were criminals or bigots before they got elected or selected, but yet most were people who truly desired to serve, but realized the hopelessness of the situation a few months after they got in. These are not people who can convene, participate in or supervise a truly purposeful conference as they are all tainted with bias and prejudice, for and against. To make matters worse, some of these people are so deep into their ways of thinking, they do dot see that which is obvious about themselves.

Nigeria cannot even count itself. It can never count itself! The present census being muted will be a failure from the beginning. This is because issues of religion and ethnicity and booty sharing and prejudice and revenge have crept in. And such issues are hardly reasonable. People will be eager to derail any normal process in order to maintain the status quo, or to create another in a fraudulent manner. Can a country that cannot count itself know itself? Can a country that does not know itself plan for itself? Can a country that cannot plan for itself because it is unsure of its population and rate of growth, in which no statistics exists on any key economic index, make progress? I doubt very much.

Nigeria cannot manage its abundant resources. With one of the highest density of minerals in the world, and arable land to go with it, it is indeed a tragedy that all these do not translate into good life for the people. Let us take the management of Crude Oil for example. Nobody knows for certain how many barrels per day is being extracted from our deep shores. Nobody cares to know. Recently the government stated that 60,000 barrels is lost daily to illegal bunkering of crude. This translates into about $8million per day. Nobody cares. Also, the fact that government concedes 60,000 barrels means it’s much more, and of course all this theft is perpetrated without Environmental Impact Assessment (EIA). Therefore one does not have to visit the Niger Delta to know what is happening to their environment. It is also very intriguing that the Oil Producing Majors (Shell, Chevron, Mobil etc) have continued to operate as unlimited liability private companies in Nigeria, with little or no disclosure of their records and accounts and no buy-in by the Nigerian public whom they continue to take advantage of. Is it right for those companies to continue to prosper over decades while the country in which they operate is stymied? It just doesn’t make sense. In fact, any company that has consistently done well in a warped environment like Nigeria is indeed a failure in the key indices of humanity, no matter what it’s P&L says. They know that if Nigeria was better structured they will make more legit money, but I guess illegit, undisclosed money keeps piling in for now, so why care?. We can then see a vicarious liability for all the irresponsibility that is the lot of Nigeria, on the part of these big companies.

Nigeria cannot conduct a clean election. The last time we had something close to clean, we messed it up on the altar of selfishness and intrigues. And we had ample assistance from the developed countries who did not see any reason to assist us realize that plateau, but rather participated actively in junking that phase of our launch into reckoning. Nigeria cannot undertake an otherwise simple but important task as National ID cards. We toyed with the idea for decades, then when we attempted to do it, some guys used all the money to rig elections. Others simply enriched themselves. End of story. Nigeria cannot invest in simple projects that will transform the lives of its people, like Railways. We learnt that the first attempts to have workable railway network which is present in every serious country, was thwarted by luxurious bus owners and their like. Since then, we’ve been dreaming about it. It should not surprise anybody the degree of negative sentiment like jealousy, envy, hatred, tribalism, ethnicity, prejudice, revenge and so on that creep into the provision of basic amenities like good water, good road, transportation, hospitals and electricity. That is why in many countries on the continent that Nigeria supplies energy, they manage things well, when Nigeria cannot generate for its own people, 20% of the energy they need! Again all these impossibilities have become more real as the society gets more sophisticated and the wounds of the past atrophies. Yes our lives are now so complicated!... probably complicated beyond redemption. That is why we need an umpire to convene our talks. The other time as obj was convening his own National Conference, the women folk started complaining. They were contributing less than 10% of the attendees. They failed to ask themselves the legality of the conference or question why delegates had to be selected by already discredited state governors. Then the muslims started to complain as well, then the minorities, then everybody. It was clear that the conveners of the conference were already partisan and whatever they organized will surely be coloured by the selfish aim they hoped to achieve ab initio. Nigeria is like a person that has inflicted deep scars on himself. It all started as a joke. In the first republic (early 1960s) bribery was rather alien to our psyche. Then the ten percenters came in. Today we have moved on exponentially. When figures of the billions of US Dollars looted by Abacha started filtering out, I for one did not believe the newspapers. I felt it was too sensational. But now, a police chief also takes his own billion dollars. What started as a mere scratch has turned out into a malignant cancer. Whereas it was possible for us to conduct something akin to a census 30 years ago, the task is an impossibility today. Our people are wiser in their bad deeds. For some, it’s the need to take revenge for past wrongs meted against them and their ancestors, perceived and real. For others it’s a need to ensure their exalted positions are not brought to disrepute. Whereas it was possible 40 years ago to work diligently and honestly in government service and await a good pension and gratuity afterwards, it has been shown clearly that except you help yourself to the booty, you will die in abject penury. Children have grown up seeing their parents suffer greatly for being honest, and then seen change in their fortunes when their parents were dishonest. The most alarming fact today is probably that these children have been so negatively affected that they would not take exams except they see ‘expos’ or leakages. It’s so bad that parents purchase the expos for their children and see nothing wrong in buying teachers over. Whereas it was possible for us to conduct elections 40 years ago, now it has been shown times without number that elections do not matter, that voting is useless, but godfatherism, money, deal-making at the expense of the collective, crafty rigging and brute force are the essential ingredients to winning an election. The hapless common man is therefore no longer interested in activities that should command his rapt attention. What we are reaping today is the result of several years of reinforcing negative messages in our psyche. The psyche is therefore battered beyond repair. I have not ceased to wonder if the developed world really thinks it is alright to keep Nigeria the way it is, probably for want of a global comedian. Nigeria has been the global clown for too long, the world should find another sport! On the one hand, they assist Nigeria to try and commit suicide, then when its people react by trying to get out of the mess, they treat them like rubbish. The developed countries take all our good brains and use them till they are useless to themselves, then tag those good brains in the same manner as the unwanted visitors. Is this a global conspiracy? It doesn’t seem that the developed world can handle an intelligent president from Nigeria, one that can handle intricate diplomatic issues and move the country forward at the same time. It’s a wonder why a stamp of approval was lent to our 2003 elections. Is it just to have peace at any cost? Peace of the graveyard? But I know that since the oyibo people are very analytical, it will not take much to make them see the folly of playing primordial, stone-age politics of holding a people down instead of allowing the first black superpower to emerge. If they had agreed for at least 150 years that we are not apes, I think it’s time we all take the next step by agreeing that a purely black nation, the biggest black nation at that, can do things right and be its own master.

Can much blame be heaped on us since neither we nor our forefathers were not a party to the union? It has become clear that nobody is all-wise. That the problems Nigeria faces today is of a natural consequence of its merger as strange bedfellows by an even stranger master-contriver. That many of the colonized part of Africa that has been engaged in serious genocidal civil wars were victims of the same syndrome of ‘boiling over’, after having been bottled up for so long. By extension therefore, it is also a matter of time before Nigeria boils over. The question then is whether the world ready for such an implosion of nuclear proportion, in the biggest and richest black country on Earth? Rather than dictate economic theories and policies to us through the IMF and World Bank, rather than continue to tether us like horses and perpetuate slave trade through debts owed to the Paris and London Clubs, it is high time the developed world helped Nigeria and its leaders, by refocusing its attention to the need for an overhaul of its heritage and the ideological basis of its development. Postulations over Balance of Payment, GDP growth, Foreign Reserves, and Foreign Debt Management and Servicing are all ways of addressing the symptoms of a cancer, when what is required is a series of chemotherapies and a number of amputations, so that Nigeria may live. Let the international community start by being umpires in the necessary dialogue that Nigeria must engage in. Forget about sovereignty, as it is only of use where a country still exists. If this type of conference has not happened before, it will not be a bad idea to start with Nigeria. Critical questions need to be thrashed at such a conference. For example, is it absolutely important to retain the name Nigeria in spite of its nigger connotations? Is it totally necessary to keep Nigeria one? If we are to break it up, into how many parts? How do we ensure good governance, going forward? It is clear that the key reason why the average Nigerian leader cannot find within himself, the allegiance necessary for total commitment to the cause, is because Nigeria does not command ownership. In fact Nigeria, as constituted, is an orphan. And the name is basically meaningless, in a culture where every name must have a meaning! It is also clear that the leadership we have thrown up are not broadminded enough to discuss even a simple but important issue as a change of name, which is necessary if we must ditch the dirty baggage of the old name, and its derogatory, slavish meaning. Most of our past and present and even future leaders are desirous of keeping Nigeria one for the singular egotistic reason of being the ones ruling the biggest black African nation. And large egos are a big problem we have in this corner of the world. What we should desire is to be an efficient, prosperous country, where things work and where life has value, like Singapore. I am not sure which is more overriding… either we see this as an obligation from the international community and especially our colonizers and latter-day exploiters, like USA, or as something Nigeria has to beg for, for the sake of itself. Whichever way, I think it is an idea we must contrive if we do not want to take the hard way out. We cannot also achieve anything through confrontation and name-calling. It is definitely a longer route if we seek for reparations. But we need to take this idea serious because we only have one life to live, and for those unlucky to be born Nigerians still breathing, it will be unfortunate if we live worthless lives and are not able to do something radical about our situation short of ranting about successive hopeless governments that will never change. Lets throw our many problems to those who can play a just umpire and see if we can solve a few of them.

Nothing is perfect, because even if this were to become a reality, many will jostle for the conference simply to earn allowances and ’estacodes’ like is the case with the on-going one in Nigeria. There will even be louder dissenting voices complaining about their non-inclusion or inadequate representation. The advantage however will be that whatever concensus will be agreed at the world conference, will be enforced by the United Nations and any rebel leader will know what he is up against from day one, if he/she breached the agreements. Also it will be easier to checkmate supply of ammunitions from dissenting power blocs to anybody or region that wants to breach agreements reached after an excruciating session or sessions. However, since Nigeria was created by and in Europe, its fate will continue to be determined by Europe too, for good or ill. Once again, the option will be to wait for the day of Nigeria’s own Armageddon, when the lines of friendship will have been totally blurred by decades or centuries of injustice, and anybody can be a victim of sporadic and spontaneous wantonness. International community, please help to midwife the first black superpower, providence will bless you for it!

Tope Fasua