America Wonder Again

America Wonder Again!

Kennedy Ayeni

Many years ago, I once watched the Late Professor Peller perform magic of some sort. He would wave his right hand far away…upwards, then some objects would appear from his left…and suddenly disappear to nowhere, and again appear from his right hand. No one could unravel how he did all these even though we followed with our eyes very carefully, but at the end of the day we all left the show at least happily deceived for our money’s worth. Now, America has become a Professor Peller of some sort with its latest predictions about Nigerian WAR in FIFTEEN years time. How wonderful! But if I may ask, why fifteen years time? So the happenings in Nigeria do not immediately suggest to these Americans that the war has started already? What kind of war would lack the characteristics of; unhealthy water supply or rusty water pipes, inconsistent or no electric power supply, bumpy potholes or deadly roads, inadequate medical services or death post hospitals, fast dilapidating or obviously collapsed school buildings, looting of national treasury without caution, upsurge of too many churches with conflicting theological definitions, no business regulations and no taxes paid by nobody, unpaid workers salaries, sporadic civil unrest, uncontrollable spate of armed robberies and assassinations, emigration by able bodied men to even third world countries such as South Africa.

Also in this present war there is clearly no hope of economic relief whatsoever as clearly seen under the second term of Obasanjocracy, which has a great credit to its opportunistic President for evolving a caricaturist civil service, connection-filled judiciary, clown filled legislature, well rehearsed and selective anti-corruption drama, over one hundred and thirty nine million hungry people out of its alleged one hundred and forty million population claim.

The funny thing is that, once America coughs, Britain responds with some sneeze or chuckle in unison. These two ‘Allied’ fellows, both former colonial rapists of at least one African nation, have something in common.

They have neither good wishes nor good intentions for Nigeria. Their recent aspercious claim about Nigeria and Al-Qaeda collaboration is a manifestation of Al-Qaedaphobia which has eaten deeply, like a malignant cancer, especially into the brains of certain interested parties in American government. Nigerians have nothing to do with Al-Qaeda and Al-Qaeda has got nothing to do with Nigeria? The terrorist problem is between Osama Bin Laden/Al-Qaeda and USA, therefore Nigeria should not be dragged into it in any way. Save for the presence of a large number of political (not truly religious) Muslims, Nigerians are peace loving and very generous people.

These allied parleys truly know that this war in Nigeria is already present, so the other day, they both threatened to close down their banks…sorry Embassies, but equally realizing how much would be lost from Visa fee collection, they back-pedalled. If you check properly, most British and American investments, if not nearly all, have been terminated save for the Visa fee collection agencies…again I mean Embassies. As one Emeritus Mathematician calculated the other day, 200 visa applications a day at non-refundable 7,000 Naira each, for at least twice each week, multiplied by Fifty-two weeks a year, will give you what? Surely this is cool business.

Rumor has it that the British Embassy has been given strict instructions not to issue traveling visas to young Nigerians anymore. Dis people no get where dem dey go! They must remain back home and fight this war and/or die. As for the Americans? Their intention is to take our minds away fifteen years into the future thus giving them time to achieve something else. No doubt, this will give them some more time to finally bury the remains of this former great country, which has so much been raped by their tricky philosophies and economic assassination. Such is the “American wonder” again.

Truly speaking, Nigeria has the major characteristics of a war torn country even if not so expressly declared. I know that some large part of the audience watching this Abracadabra are already deceived, but I am not! Kennedy I. Ayeni Esq.