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One of our neighbours who benefited from my family’s card gift splash during one of the festive seasons could not contain her largely senseless but otherwise genuinely motivated excitement at the fact that her husband was addressed as “Chief ………” in the card they received that she thought it wise to come over to thank us not just for the neigbhourly act of card giving but for the seemingly extreme show of unprecedented generosity and extraordinary goodwill of addressing her husband as a Chief.
Probably because she was of the lower strata of our society whose total annual income is barely enough to keep body and soul together or because in Nigeria to be addressed as Chief meant that you had a very fat bank account and drove around in a four wheel drive, or both, she considered it a rare privilege for her husband to be addressed so, as it amounted to raising his status far beyond the galaxy and placing him at par with the cream of our society even though it was just a careless remark on paper done with the greatest degree of innocence and in the spirit of the festivities.
That no doubt was embarrassing, but no matter how embarrassing it looked, no one would have expected the lady to do otherwise. It is interesting to know that on the other hand, failure (either by omission or intensionally) to address some one who considers himself a chief could be seen as an unforgivable crime. Such is the state of affairs in the contemporary Nigeria society.
It is often said that all men are born equal, but in Nigeria, there is a continous and conscious effort to make distinctions. Our people have developed and sustained this ideology of re-emphasizing their class status, social status or assumed status by the flagrant, indiscriminate and often perverse use of all forms of designations, and superlatives along side their names to add some value of some sort and re-affirm to who ever it might interest that they are not just ordinary human beings or put more appropriately that, “they have arrived”. Whether these designations come in the form of a prefix such as “Chief, Prof, Dr….”or suffixes such as “JP, mni …….” One can not distance them from the fact that they are largely products of the combined influence of illiteracy, failure of reasoning, bigoted elitist culture and shear stupidity which collectively boils down to two things,: our irredeemable inferiority complex as a people and our unrelenting effort to give the impression to the rest of the world that Nigeria is a country of great men, an act that is now legendry.
It is common to have an individual, one single entity being addressed with an endless roll of designations such as “Chief, Sir, Engr….” With one or two titles in one of the vernaculars bringing up the rear.
This is a common phenomenon during social events in Nigeria especially when the MC does the introduction of the members of the high table, a prominent item in the programme schedule of every occasion in Nigeria. The concept of a “high table” on its own is one remarkable show of distinction among those attending the event. As the name suggests, the “high table is reserved specially for individuals who’s’ pockets are adjudged heavier than those of the rest and who have a track record of dolling out cash easily and with reckless abandon.
So when the MC begins the onerous assignment of introducing the members of the high table, you could take some time off to make some long calls and still be back early enough to meet the start of the next item on the programme schedule some thirty minutes later.
The typical introduction by the Nigerian MC could be said to be something in-between a formal citation and a complete biography. Suffice to state here that the richer the introduction of a member of the high table is, the greater his performance at the event (say a launching) and failure to accord full recognition could attract such sanctions as storming out of the venue or none performance, or performance below capacity.
That a serving Nigerian governor should be addressed as “His Excellency, Alhaji, Senator……..” not only amazes me but also injures my sensibilities and such is a constant observation in our national polity, it is obvious that we really have to outline all our past achievements to be able to bring to fore our elder statesmanship status or drive home the point that “we’ve been there”. Often this indiscriminate use of designations has led to their abuse and there employment for actions that are both illegal and shameful.
For example, in 1999, the former Speaker of the House of Representatives Alhaji Salisu Buhari was accused of falsifying his age, forging his academic qualification and swearing falsely under oath. Aside the offence of falsifying his age, Alhaji, Buhari in fulfilling the Nigerian quest for a big name forged two university degrees, one in accountancy from ABU Zaria and another in business administration from the university of Toronto Canada even through he possessed the minimum requirement of an SSCE which qualified him to assume such an office according to section 65 subsection 2 (a) of the 1999 constitution. Alhaji Buhari was later to resign his position and membership of the House, arrested by the police, presented in court, found quilty on all counts and sentenced to a prison term with an option of fire. He was eventually granted presidential pardon by President Qlusegun Obasanjo.
More so, the title “esquire” that comes after a name is now open to all comers, both those who appreciate its meaning and significance and those who do not and do not care to. Just like the title of “comrade” has come a little short of a right of every individual who considers himself an activist or a unionist.
That traditional title taking is now at a cash and carry basis is actually no more news. Any person or group of persons can now think up and bestow titles at will; for what ever motives political and otherwise without recourse to any laid down procedures what so ever. Gone are the days when the late Chief M.K.O Abiola with all his wealth and connection still went through hell to become the Kakanfo of Yoruba land. Today, that same title could be given out, even to a foreigner for all we cared as long as the price was right.
The speed with which Northern politicians jet in and out of Eastern state capitals and vice versa to take all sorts of titles has become quite unprecedented. These ceremonies are of course filled with pump and pageantry and a lavishing of state finance. These politicians depart not only with the red caps, horse tails and heavy turbans with which they were decorated but also with a receipt of payment far the title hidden somewhere deep in the inner recess of their briefcases. The feeling of accomplishment which these harvested titles bring is so great that you must have noticed that the Vice President so jealously makes sure that his beloved titles of “ Turakin Adamawa “and” Sardauna Ganye” are always affixed along with his name.
The need to let the whole world know of our titles (whether attained or brought) has been exemplified in our politicians using it as their number plates instead of their normal car registration numbers. The car plates bears the title of the owner with a number that signifies the position that particular car occupies in the owners long fleet of cars. For example a plate bearing OHA 02 could be easily translated as meaning that the car belong to a person whose title is “OHA” and the car is number two in his fleet. And as the car moves, the announcement is being repeated and such names remain on the lips of the people mostly the poor pedestrians who are those that actually notice the plates and when they gather in beer parlous they talk so admirably of just how rich such a person was.
Our Ivory towers have not been spared in this title dashing jamboree. Honorary doctorate degrees are now dished out like jellof rice in a road side restaurant that even the most notorious and self styled criminals who have contributed nothing to the society and who belong only to the prison now parade themselves with squared shoulders bearing the title of “ Doctors”. Often time it becomes almost impossible to distinguish between individuals who “broke the pen” to obtain a Ph. D and those who are mere beneficiaries of academic over generosity of our universities.
It is pertinent to not here that while it is befitting to identify a personality along with his achievement, the consciousness and eagerness to do this exist probably in its greatest proportion among Nigerians. For example world renowned Neurosurgeon Ben Cason hardly has the title “Dr” before his name and is known to many people world over simply as Ben Cason. His non attachment of the “Dr” to his name has not made him less popular or a less accomplished personality. This is one fact the Nigerian elite and the rich have failed to understand: it is not our names or how wonderfully garnished they are with titles and accolades that speak for us but the personality in the name.
Little wonder addressing my neighbour’s wife as a Chief when he did not consider himself or rather the society did not consider him to be one was such a big deal. One wouldn’t blame the lady for showing her profound appreciation for such an unimaginable promotion. It was a status she could have only imagined in her dreams.
While the rich continue to out do each other in buying up all forms of titles and elongating the length of the chain of names they bear, I can’t help but pictures our gradually approaching a time when every individual artisans, hawkers, vendors, shopkeepers, road side mechanics and the likes would insist that the titles of their occupation be pronounced before their names. What is good for the goose is good in no less way for the gander.
Ifedigbo Nze Sylva Faculty of Veterinary Medicine, UNN |