My Name is May 29^th, 2007

Dahiru Maishanu

London

moyeejoh@yahoo.com

 

 

My name needs no introduction in the Nigerian political landscape. It is a household name and a wind blowing every body to its direction. I’m the most talked about phenomenon in Nigeria today. I have been called several names, too numerous to mention here for lack of space. I’m loved, feared and hated by various groups in the country. The good, the bad and the ugly surround me. My name connotes hatred, evil machinations, squandermania, deceits and plots. Yet my name promises a new dawn, expectations, exuberance as well as anxiety.

 

Because of me, brothers fight brothers, spouses fight each other while parents fight children and vice-versa. In short, I’m a prostitute, a deadly one for that matter. I’m a bitch: I court anybody with money, ambition and interest whether with good intention or otherwise.

 

I have terminal consequences for everybody running after me. He or she either succeeds or loses with monumental consequences. I belong to the Machiavellian school as practised by Hitler and General Sani Abacha. My customers believe in the doctrine of the end justifies the means and are ready to employ any kind of means in order to get to the end. The power-possessed, the power-hungry and desperate power seekers are my closest allies in this game of ambition and desperation.

 

Don’t look at me as an evil date, for I’m surely better than a day filled with martial music and gunshots as practised by most of the candidates keeping a date with me. I hear old habits die hard and only steadfastness on the part of Nigerians can stop a re-romance with that inimitable music. Honestly, I think I’m a date that may never come to pass.

 

The name May 29, 2007 is not even a proper name. Some people call me third term agenda, (TTA), some call me sad term while others simply call me Mantu. Yet others call me the decider, the leveller, the end point, the new beginning and the nemesis. I’m a mixed bag, a roller coaster, depending on which side of the pot you are.

 

When PDP has abysmally catapulted, ANPP has factionalised, and AD has become a left over or at worst gyara, I’m amiss to what remains of the present polity. When ACD is courting Afenifere, I wonder what difference it will make if they had gone for OPC, Gani Adams faction. When the Governor General of the Ijaw nation is over powered and the boys in the creeks are left capturing and releasing oil workers as ransom permits. When the economy is given a thorough bashing that nobody can remember the meaning of the letters GDP, all attention is focussed to an imaginary date like me.

 

Deceits, plots and counter plots and killings all in my name have replaced the business of governance. I’m the much feared Armageddon, the beginning of some stories and yet, the end to many stories.

 

My greatest fear is that of myself. I hope I will not be the end of the whole story called Nigeria. I hope I will not mark the beginning of the disintegration of this beautiful, often quarrelsome house built by selfless group of people from all parts of the nation. I hope I will not signal the worst calamity to befall the sleeping giant; at least it is better for the giant to be sleeping than to be dead. I hope I will not be the giant killer or the killer of the giant of Africa.

 

Many things may happen the day I set my foot in Nigeria. Baba may hand over power to himself. He may crown himself the Emperor of Naija land. Mantu and Olabode George may swear him in while Nweke Junior would hail him as the messiah whose mission can only be completed with a sad, third term. He would not need the Bible as that was done along time ago between him and his Deputy.  Fani Kayode would read his rendition and dissertation. Baba would rename Aso Rock Villa as Baba Iyabo Palace for life.

 

On the other hand, if the gospel of third term did not work, Baba would eat his words on that date. He would be sent packing in the most ignominious manner. Seven years after his second coming, the man has no exit strategy. For him, there is no exit to Aso Rock, no through fare, Ba Shiga.

 

May 29, 2007 may mark the milestone from which Baba will start his race either back to Otta or to where the goggled one once caged him. The Mantus, the Anenihs, the Fani Kayodes and the Frank Nwekes would all move to next step of life without waiting for him. On this date, they would call Baba an old man whose numerous days in the jungle as a soldier had caught up with him. They would say Baba don kolo.

 

May 29, 2007 is not about the Presidency only. Some State Governors and other elected officials who have been elevated to the position of semi- gods by bootlickers, praise singers and sooth Sayers would also find out what difference a date can make. The bootlickers and the fake army of ‘I will die for you’ will vamoose and the sooth Sayers would have new masters to deceive.

 

The security vote and estacodes along side needless foreign trips would all come to a halt, rather unceremoniously. More importantly, the usual monthly extravaganza with billions of Naira from the federation account will stop and the actual thieving will begin. They would start to dip their kleptomaniac fingers into the pool of the stolen money stashed away some where for the ‘rainy day’. From that day, their proper names would be thieves without section 308. They will be as vulnerable as any common thief in the land.

 

After May 29, 2007 those that were issued’ with ‘PhDs’ by those pay-as-you-receive scammers calling themselves Universities will find the emptiness and uselessness of those certificates. The same hangers-on who litter the streets presently glorifying and shouting their names as His Excellency, Alhaji (Dr.) or Chief (Dr.) would quickly remove the appellations and call them by their names. They would say they couldn’t ‘defend’ their ‘thesis’. For the Universities, those honorary degrees are for the highest bidder anyway, so they would not have any qualms with what happens to their recipients after office. The recipients would have no Alma Mater.

 

Nigeria can make or mar on May 29, 2007. The Nation either gets better or things would fall apart. Evil men of evil character and sad term machination syndrome would either succeed or fail in their intention to continue to squander the resources of the country to the point of no return. They will not rest until they complete the cancerous routing of the country’s economy.

 

If they succeed, we are all doomed. If they fail, a new dawn would break in the country: a new dawn full of positive optimism.   If they fail, Nigeria wins. If they win, Nigeria will be on its way to extinction. May they never win. My name is May 29^th 2007. OBJ, till you come.