The first unwelcome visitor to Nigeria’s once lush democratic farm was Chief Tony Anenih. Think of this former policeman as the migratory locust Locusta migratoria visiting a lush farm. Chief Anenih has migrated spatially and temporally across Nigeria’s political scene. As SDP national chairman in 1993, he agreed to abandon a presidential poll won by his party’s candidate; he arranged for the Constitutional Conference of 1994-95 to give a tenure “blank cheque” to General Sani Abacha; he participated in and addressed the pro-Abacha Million-Man March in 1998, and he was the chief organizer of Chief Obasanjo’s 3T [for ‘third term’] campaign. To be most destructive, locust must first congregate in large numbers and swarm, but Chief Anenih is a one-man locust swarm. His presence recalls to mind one locust swarm that was seen crossing the Red Sea from Yemen to Ethiopia in 1988; it was 24 kilometers long, 17 kilometers wide and 2 kilometers deep, estimated to contain 100 billion individual locusts.

Next came Colonel Ahmadu Ali, whose visit to our farm was akin to a southern American boll weevil Anthonomus grandis visiting a cotton farm. The boll weevil was known to have surreptitiously sneaked into southern United States from Mexico in the 1892 and soon destroyed most of the cotton fields. Colonel Ali sneaked into the PDP through the Aso Rock back door and soon converted the party into an army garrison. Next came Chief Ojo Maduekwe, who reminds us of the potato blight fungus Phytophthera infestans. Maduekwe could not on his own begin the process of PDP’s self-destruction; he could only assist others to do so. The potato blight fungus similarly awaits a beetle or some other insect pest to breach potato’s protective skin, then it moves in and rots it utterly. Maduekwe’s career in Nigeria’s democratic farm already approaches the effect that the potato blight fungus had on Ireland’s staple potato crop in the 1840s, leading 3 million Irishmen to starve to death while many more millions migrated to North America.

The next visitor to our farm was Chief Olabode George, who is better likened to the H5N1 bird-flu virus. This virus causes mass extinction of poultry; George caused mass extinction of the Alliance for Democracy [AD] in 5 southwestern states. The World Health Organisation [WHO] has determined that human infection by H5N1 follows very close contact with infected chicken. The AD structures that were wiped out in 5 states in 2003 followed close political collaboration with Chief Bode George. Under the dubious concept of pan-Yoruba solidarity, they prevented AD from fielding a presidential candidate against Chief Obasanjo, and were repaid with mass extinction.

Alhaji Ibrahim Nasir Mantu, our next visitor, resembles the prickly pear cactus Cactoblastis cactorum. This pear has very succulent-looking cacti, much like Mantu’s face, and is covered with thick thorns, much like Mantu’s political character. Early last century, the pear cactus accidentally landed in Australia and within years, it overran millions of acres of rich sheep pastures. Mantu has overrun much Nigerian political space since 1990. He overran the NRC’s first convention in 1990 as a surrogate for Chief Emmanuel Iwuanyanwu, then overran Alhaji Bashir Tofa’s presidential campaign in 1993 [and run it into the ground], then overran Plateau Central senatorial district, the Senate Information Committee and Deputy Senate Presidency, followed by the Amirul Hajj ship and then the Joint National Assembly Committee on the Review of the 1999 Constitution, in short order.

Everywhere he left a trail of accusations, court cases, recall bids and muddy estacode receipts.

Professor Jerry Gana, who also visited the democratic farm, can be likened to the tsetse fly Glossina palpalis, the vector for the African sleeping sickness. Prior to the onset of democratic rule, Nigerians had been severally warned that “the price of liberty is eternal vigilance”, but Gana’s main mission in the political field has been to sweet-talk the people into dropping their guard while the pests run amock in their democratic farm. He is the main vector of political sleeping sickness.

Professor Jibril Aminu’s visit to our farm was akin to the coming of the cuckoo, Cuculus canorus. The cuckoo looks harmless enough, but this very intelligent bird is a brood parasite that lays its eggs in some other bird’s nest. Aminu, who is brilliant like the cuckoo, laid his political eggs in the Atiku-Boni political nest in Adamawa Central, and the two men worked very hard to rear his chicks, up to and including arranging for him to be declared elected to the Senate even after he himself conceded victory to his opponent.

Dr. Jonathan Zwingina, who also visited our farm, is much like the weaver ant, which smells anything sweet from many miles away and in time flocks to it.

The next visitor was Mr. Frank Nweke Junior, who is the dung roller beetle of the Obasanjo administration.

The dung roller is a very useful insect because it quickly collects the excrement dropped by large animals, rolls it up into small balls and buries it in the ground. The Nigeria Image Project that Nweke presides over aims to roll up the dung left in our farm by so many large animals. Even the dung roller beetle is sometimes overwhelmed, however, when a herd of well-fed elephants passes through a farm and leaves droppings by the ton.

The Economic Team of Mrs. Okonjo-Iweala, Nasir el-Rufai, Charles Soludo and Mrs. Ezekwesili that visited Nigeria’s democratic farm can be likened to planting a neem tree, Azadirachta indica, in the middle of an orchard. The neem tree grows tall, erect and majestic. However, its bark and leaves are bitter, its fruit and seeds are not edible, and it secretes a chemical into the soil that prevents any other tree, shrub or herb from growing anywhere near it. The Economic Team’s combined policies of privatization, bank recapitalization and civil service right-sizing have created giants like Transcorp but have killed small businesses and generated economic growth without employment. They also paid fat cat Paris Club creditors but could not pay poor, broken and dispirited Nigerian pensioners.

Chief Arthur Nzeribe, who also visited Nigeria’s democratic farm, can be likened to the Colorado potato beetle Leptinotarsa decemlineata. This beetle wreaks havoc as it snakes across the landscape. Nzeribe’s effect on the political landscape has been noticeable, first by selling weapons to both sides in the Chadian civil war of the 1970s and early 1980s, then by promoting the Association for Better Nigeria [ABN] in 1993, right through to encouraging the Youths Earnestly Ask for Abacha [YEAA], and right up to standing up for 3T.

Yet another visitor has been Mr. Femi Fani-Kayode, better likened to the assassin bug Nularda, which preys on other insect pests. Fani-Kayode has successfully assassinated the democratic reputation of many Nigerians and, accidentally, that of the Obasanjo Presidency as well. The assassin bug often camouflages itself with debris; Fani-Kayode seeks to camouflage himself in Queen’s English and a history of family respectability; “I was brought up by my father to be strong and courageous…” Nigeria’s once-luxuriant democratic farm also received a visit from two Corporate Nigeria chieftains, Alhaji Aliko Dangote and Mr. Festus Odimegwu. Alhaji Aliko’s visit may be likened to that of the biting louse, which sticks to the hair of the host, including pubic hair. It has powerful mouthparts that are adapted for biting and chewing flakes from its host’s skin; Dangote’s own mouth is suitably adapted to biting and chewing rice, sugar and salt. He has clung to Chief Obasanjo’s hair, biting off the pieces of former public corporations as they fell off the auctioneer’s anvil. His friend Chief Festus Odimegwu may be likened to the sucking louse Pediculus humanus, whose mouthparts are well adapted for piercing the skin and sucking the host’s blood.

Odimegwu’s mouth is well adapted to piercing and drinking from beer bottles and cans. By investing substantial proceeds from beer sales into the 3T campaign, he had clearly planned to drink all the remaining sap from our democratic orchard.

Senator Mahmud Waziri, Alhaji Ahmed Abdulkadir and Chief Don Etiebet’s joint visit to Nigeria’s democratic farm recalls to mind the termite Microtermes, which is very good at boring at wooden structures from the inside. The damage inflicted is often not realized until the whole structure caves in.

Waziri and later Etiebet were planted by PDP to eat up ANPP from the inside, while Abdulkadir ate up AD’s intestines in the service of Aso Rock. Both parties are yet to recover from the trio’s assault.

Dr. Peter Odili, also a visitor in the last 7 years, could be the political equivalent of the hookworm Ancylostoma duodenale. This dangerous worm resides in the host’s big intestine and eats up most of the food he swallows; the host therefore keeps eating and starving at the same time, much as the huge derivation funds poured into Odili’s Rivers State have not addressed the Niger Delta militants’ anger. Odili has also eaten Nigeria’s democratic ethic from the inside, the first governor to carry Ghana Must Go bags full of money to the National Assembly in order to get it to impeach its leaders. And then there was the biggest visitor of all, Chief Olusegun Obasanjo. His own visit is not unlike that of the rat flea, Xenopsylla, the main transmitting agent for the bubonic plague. In 1664, the flea engineered the Great Bubonic Plague that resulted in the death of millions of people all over the world. Obasanjo’s visit to our democratic farm since 1998 has led to the mass extermination of political traditions as we know them.