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Super-Moms Strike Back at Family Pimps
The changing traditional role of women turning them in many cases to the main bread winner in the families comes at another cost – exploitation by relatives. It is debatable if such a strong language can be applied to a man since we expect even more from them. Nobody is a superman or a super-mom unless we want to push them beyond capacity, which is exactly what we do to super-moms. That label has been reserved for proficient women who have it all – married, raising children with high paying powered jobs.
It is the frustration of meeting this expectation, not only in nuclear family but also from the extended families and relatives; consequences of which may be felt harder by the closest partners or sometimes the husbands. One wife had to work two and a half shifts just before boarding the plane on her way to Nigeria because she had spent on presents for her and the husband’s relatives so needed money for bills on her return. She had planned to catch some sleep on the plane, thereby missing most of the food and drinks. That may be strange to some of us but not to many in her shoes.
Historically, most world families have very little hope in females since they are usually married away. All the concentration was devoted to male children who bear the family names and has better prospect of taking care of the families. As women attend schools and qualify into the professions, their financial worth has improved over the years.
Unfortunately, as movingly expressed in one of the feedbacks to this writer’s articles, our young women are sent out as prostitutes locally and internationally by even their own fathers, husbands and relatives. They are lured to shrines to be used as ritual sacrifices by those they trust most. If the same people could swear in the name of their first born for political gains, they can do worse to anyone including wives. Used as cash cows, it is not surprising that ladies are striking back at some people dearest to them.
We hear stories about women who accepted that they were fortunate to be the only one in their family who has the opportunity to make money so that their relatives away or at home can eat and drink. A lady in UK was sending money home to the Dad so that he could take care of her mother, brothers, sisters and build her a small h ouse she could come home to. The father had two houses in Lagos. The girl was deported home only to find out that the father sold one of his houses, rented one out and moved back to the village with a new wife.
One husband shuttled between Nigeria and United States as a businessman swearing to his wife that his enterprise was flourishing in Nigeria but only needed some more cash infusion from her. Of course the wife got tired of his demand for more and more money and asked him to work for his. The time he could have spent helping train his children at home was usually spent in Nigeria. For such an understanding wife, he could have given her some returns, if any, or got a part-time job to bind his lofty business in Nigeria.
However, for every one of these gallant women, there are some who refused to help their husbands with bills abroad while paying for e.g. relatives’ exotic schools in Nigeria. Some women still claim that - his money is our money and my money is mine to be spent any way I want. In many of these cases, all we hear about are lazy old men who invest in little girls in Nigeria and take them to UK or USA to be used as their pensions.
A man in his late fifties went to Nigeria to get married after divorce from a foreigner. He did not want any woman in child bearing age group, had to be in her late forties of fifties so that they could just spend their life together without worrying about little kids. This lady had a good job in Nigeria but she and her relatives kept on asking for money all the time. She made it worse with plans to set up a church branch. He got feed up and cut off the relationship. If she was much younger people could have labeled him a lazy old man.
Very little are said about conscientious men who sold their houses in Nigeria to send their families abroad so that their children can get “exotic” education. One was lucky; a son was drafted into football. If they only know that many may to lose those children to western culture. Children that are brought up by exotic standard cannot be expected to adhere to African culture of returning in kind their parents’ or husbands’ investments.
Another lady brought the husband from Nigeria to United States and had to babysit because he could not find a job. When he finally found something, the wife notice that his pride came back since he was able to bring bread and milk home, and pay for some of the kids’ demands. The wife later found out that he was making less money than she was paying the babysitter. This good lady let him keep that job because it had more to it than the difference in money spent on babysitter.
Indeed, there are those who left their families in Nigeria to drive taxies half of the year. One wife told another wife that it may be a good idea to tell their husbands that they should move to US too. That was the end of the friendship because one felt his friend’s wife was trying to destabilize his marriage. He had already told his wife that anything or any school they want in Nigeria, he would provide the money.
Both men and women, if taken advantage of would bark. But women who have been sheltered historically and suddenly find themselves in the position of providers may react differently than men. They may strike back harder and lash out stingingly when put in a role that is not traditionally theirs. Like men, some of the ladies have found solace in younger men they spoiled rather than in men they considered older and lazy.
We cannot build a fair country if our families are corrupt and dislocated. The product of those families would rule our Country in the same way they are taken care of in their families. We are products of our society but we blame our politicians as if they came from Mars. A man or a woman without strong family values will have to work against all odds to put a good family in place or rule a country conscientiously.
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