Association Of Bodes And Georges Of
Nigeria—Membership Forms Selling
By
Prince Charles Dickson
pcdbooks@gmail.com
I had written an essay some years back when Tafa Balogun was convicted and
it was titled “When I Grow Up: On Tafa Balogun Former Inspector-General Of
Police, Nigeria Is Sick”.
Indeed still years down the road very little has changed, infact it only
has got worse. Corruption can be sweet, Bode George has as at the time I
write this 1.4 million entries on google and still counting.
It is not enough for gardeners to love flowers they must hate weeds- the
annoying bass of a mosquitoes by the ear cannot be ignored.
When I grow up I want to be a thief, and I want to steal in Nigeria, if I
succeed in fulfilling this dream, I also would like to be a Governor or at
least a government functionary, that way I never will be caught, I would
steal enough to last over ten generations of my family even to the
twentieth one and they would not have to work, how much more suffer.
I would have mentors like Ibori, Lucky, Tafa, Obasanjo, Saminu, Nnamani,
Orji Kalu and co…just some hazzles and I will go free.
However if I disobey the 11th commandment “thou shall not be caught”. I
can be rest assured of one form of immunity or the other. If the
government takes a strong exception to my case I probably would spend some
couple of sixty something days in detention, I would feign being
maltreated, fall from the car conveying me to and fro the court. I will
stall trial, plead innocent initially, and then request for bail.
That was Tafa’s case, in Bode’s case I ‘ll get some two years for
fleecing state coffers of some N80B plus.
Let us not forget because I have stolen enough money I would be able to
afford solid lawyers and also pay news hounds that would make a PR stunt
out of my every move to my benefit. I shall exploit the fact that
everybody that is a leader in my country is a thief to the maximum and
steals.
Infact in no time you will be hearing ‘Free Bode George Now’, people will
start saying I fell out with the powers that be and being ‘scapegoated’.
So I could threaten to spill the beans like Tafa did or appeal as Bode has
done… After all this shakara I shall get a sentence of six months for
stealing billions of Naira. Six months, just six months for impoverishing
some millions of Nigerians.
The sitting Judge would give me a light sentence, besides just for even
daring give me any form of sentencing he will be hailed.
During Tafa he got six months sentence because he had been of good
behaviour, shown enough remorse and come to think of it he was a first
time offender. He had stolen enough, returned enough too, and left with
enough to guarantee a lifetime of luxury after a mere six months of
inconvenience.
Bode George while measuring for his prison uniform also was filing his
appeal paper. I ‘ I refuse to eat prison food like Bode too, then let us
not forget the welcome party by the likes of Al-Mustapha for me.
Do not forget that I would have in the process of stealing acquired the
best of cars, built heaven on earth as houses; I would have acquired
chieftaincy titles from several poor communities for dashing few coins
here and there.
The same government that I stole from, the same government that we
partnered in crime would have given me a national award. Wonders never
will end in such a nation so why trade citizenship for another.
Tell me why won’t I be proud to be a Ni gerian when I grow up? I can piss
on the main road, throw toiletries out of my window, and spit out of my
car while driving…I can swear at another driver in my language and expect
the person to smile at me or curse me back either way each of us would not
understand each other.
If there happens to be an accident in the process rather than accept
responsibility…you would hear the phrase “do you know whom I am” from one
of us, especially the guilty person.
Leave story…! this is just the periphery, I would be a Nigerian and grow
up to be…because if I plan well I could be a President who was an
ex-convict, who rigged an election. Get overdraft, loans and what not and
not bother about paying.
When I grow up I want to be a Nigerian because I will and can evade tax,
climb electricity poles myself to reconnect power, I can get poor touts
and area boys and dan whatever to cause havoc when I am loosing to my
political opponents.
I would not trade this ambition to be Nigerian and a thief for any other
life. I love my nation because as a criminal I would be celebrated.
Millions and billions allocated for projects would disappear just like a
BIG plane disappeared and two SHIPS vamoosed and we shall with the stolen
loot hold owambe parties with Sunny Ade, Oliver de Coke, fanta and Dan
Maraya Bauchi playing and us spraying dollars and pounds to the jealousy
of Obama, Gordon Brown and co. despite the depression.
My fellow citizens would be dying of malaria, while I would be smiling as
my Spanish doctor would be massaging my buttocks and my wife would be
preparing for her breast lift immediately I am back.
I would proudly tell my fellow thieves in discuss that my kids are
citizens of another country because we would have destroyed our own nation
that we will know that it is unfit for our kids. Strange things have been
on the increase at, a per second rate, if a governor is does not jump
bail, thanksgiving services would be held for thieves and politicians
that steal are decorated with national awards.
We would produce more crude oil and suffer fuel queues, deregulate,
regulate, infiltrate and strangulate the masses…
How on earth Tafa Balogun gets six months jail for his atrocities, what do
we classify as good behaviour, show of remorse…? A man who stole billions
on first attempt must be a Nigerian, which is why when I grow up…because
no one bothers the effect this has on unemployed graduates whether half or
fully baked. I would be a Nigerian and also be a patron of the
ABGN…Association Of Bode Georges Of Nigeria.
Then we are treated to another Bodecious and Georgean judgement…he was not
asked to refund the money, infact his lawyer said he was being punished
for doing the right thing wrongly.
The equation then becomes the more I steal the less I will suffer the less
I steal the more I will suffer, Nigerian “pytalooting theorem” (the theory
of class looting).
I would grow up in a nation with merged banks, that may still have
collapsed if not Sanusi storm…probably Universities would have merged with
Polytechnics or acquired State Universities. That’s if we have not sold
them to ourselves i.e. ‘Association Of Bode Georges’.
Why risk being a Londoner or Americana and bother about social security
when I can steal direct from source and the best the law can do is give me
some paltry strokes of the cane.
In my Nigeria it would be fun in party politics because as the music plays
we develop a dance step, so today it may be PDP, tomorrow ANPP and then
AC. That is why Buhari, Atiku and Bafara will dine with Utomi and Falae in
the name of saving us.
We are running the risk of neglecting the annoying bass of anomaly in our
nation as our leaders are stealing us mad and getting a pat on the back…to
spend the remaining part of the stolen money…
Nigerians are not fools we will and soon revolt. Pretending to hate
corruption yet breeding it will not take us anywhere; you do not give the
corruption of Bode’s magnitude some two years massage.
At this rate when our kids grow up we should not be scared of what we
shall see. Meanwhile, forms are selling for the Association Of Bodes And
Georges Of Nigeria… |