BURNING POT BY PRINCE CHARLES DICKSON
My New Year Resolution--To Steal More
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"Kowa ya dade yaga dadau". - Hausa (Whoever live long, will see
wonders).
This is my
first admonition for the year 2014, and permit me to share my New
Year resolution with us. If topics are anything to go by, don't be
alarmed; hopefully in the next few paragraphs we would have learned
a few things about our Nigerian experience for the year.
It would sound like something from the pulpit of our Nigerian god of
men. The only difference is that it is not a prophecy but from
reality.
My friend KOC shared this--While on an international flight recently
I witnessed thievery or stealing. (Here in Nigeria, corruption is
the word).
Seating adjacent to me across the aisle was this woman who was
having four center seats all to herself because the plane was not
full.
Ordinarily I could not have noticed the woman but for one man who
periodically visited her, then would leave after a while, at first I
thought they were something like husband and wife but my curiosity
was drawn when I discovered that the man was not always at ease when
he sat with the woman.
As soon as the man sat in the company of the woman, he would dart
his eyes left and right, front and back, making sure that no one was
watching him, after a while of repeatedly doing this I decided to
really check out what was happening, why the man seem not at ease or
peace whenever he paid this nocturnal visit, then I saw that the man
always planted a kiss or rather stole a kiss after looking all
around to make sure no one was watching.
The dude who probably was in his fifties was sitting somewhere else
but periodically come to the woman to steal a kiss and some cuddling
otherwise known as romance.
His escapades reminds me of those of us who picked a few nairas from
our father's 'coatsubla' hanging in his wardrobe or 'picking' change
from our mom's piggy bank where she put sales money from her local
bean ball (akara)
We took our time, checked all the environment to make sure all is
right before we snatch but one thing we do not know is that, some
eye must see us, just as this dude did not know that KOC 'ji odu
anya ele ya'. (Looking at him with the upper eye).
I knew that the woman was not his wife, for no man steals what
belongs to him and no man comes into the plane and started wobbling
like jelly towards plucking a kiss from his wife, the same woman he
lives with, we also have a saying that, “clear conscience fears no
accusation” thus a man will not be surveying his surroundings to
make sure no one is watching before he plants a kiss or before he
snuggle to his wife.
After witnessing the man’s coming and going several times I forgot
about the issue till we deplaned, as people stood at and to clear
immigration I noticed the same woman standing alone, all by herself
with the man nowhere to be found, and what I not only suspected and
believed was then confirmed that he was not the woman’s husband but
just a “thief” out to steal “waters” probably belonging to another
man.
While this incidence happened on the airplane I remembered what the
bible said about stolen waters: “Stolen waters are sweet, and bread
eaten in secret is pleasant. But he knoweth not that the dead are
there; and that her guests are in the depths of hell” Proverbs 9:17.
I know there are “thieves” like the one on the airplane who go about
stealing “waters” that are not theirs.
In a society that worships money mongers, where certificates are
bought, elections rigged, opposition clad with greed, ruling party
at odds with itself. The temptation to steal this year would be
high.
And I have decided give in, to steal, and steal more. Whether the
people are watching or not. I need to feel my garage with more cars.
I must get more properties.
It is a pre-election year...the pension scam of last year would be
childsplay. I would steal from NNPC, so much that the PIB won't make
any difference. There would be monies to steal from road contracts
that won't be executed.
I would steal plenty kisses via phantom projects. My bounty would be
so large that I would open accounts in New Zealand and Madagascar.
My constituency project monies would be 'thieved'. I would belong to
PDP in the morning and APC at night.
Letter writing doesn’t work so with stolen money from public tile I
would try novel ideas.
Its stealing competition, some of us are not coming back to office,
so it will be a little democracy, plenty lootocracy.
The people are gullible; it is easy to catch them on religious or
ethnic leanings. Very little significant change would occur.
Whether I find myself in the public service or private sector, the
motto would be aloota continue. The budget is in trillions, I must
get my share.
I am not going to sit and watch and swallow that patriotic garb.
This is my year. For those who live long enough in Nigeria's 2014,
we will see wonders in stealing from local to federal level. This is
a caveat; don't say you were not warned.
Finally for many Nigerians, this is another year to join the 'big
league' at the expense of the ordinary street folks. If Nigeria will
take a significant step forward in governance, development in most
sectors, it would be a function of how we deal with the thieves
amongst us. Do we really want to curtail the stealing, looting,
corruption or whether we resolve to steal sweet waters, only time
will tell.
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