Health Interactive With Dr Aminu Magashi

 

Let’s talk about Pre-Mature Ejaculation

healthinteractive@hotmail.com

 

Readers of my Health Interactive (Q and A) Column on the pages of Daily Trust Newspaper will agree with me that Sexual and Reproductive Health Problems have become reoccurring decimals with respect to what readers are asking weekly. I really want to believe that such demands may not be unconnected with the fact that Sexual and Reproductive Health Problems are very common and few have the courage to visit hospitals to present their case.  In our environment when every issue affecting Sexuality is treated with shame, shyness and complete silence, one has to pretend all is well, while his/her problem is threatening marital contract, partnership,  happiness and co-existence.

 

That is why I am not surprise, when people hide under the cover of E-Mails, Text Messages and Postages or even at times Phone calls to ask all set of Sexual and Reproductive Health Problems, they are equally sending  such requests  with  fake names and addresses at times and that exhibition still tell us that no one want to be associated with even the question he/she is sending , even if the problem is a disturbing one that need urgent attention.  My experience with the readers and other members of the society is very pathetic , if one is not asking that Pre-Mature Ejaculation is threatening his marriage, another one is asking about how to improve his performance because he has just wedded and experiencing a lot of embarrassment due to Pre- Mature Ejaculation. I have also in the past received many messages from women requesting to know how they could help their husbands or partners to ameliorate frustration and lack of fulfilled sexual life.

 

If many men will be sincere to come out boldly during a research on the prevalence of Pre Mature Ejaculation  ( PME ) , I can bet that , the discovery will be shocking to discover that it is as common as many social problems in our society . Pre-Mature Ejaculation can be defined as an Inability for a man to sustain erection up to the time when his partner get satisfaction or Inability to sustain erection up to 60 Seconds or before one commences making love. In essence PME is a problem of lack of satisfaction for both parties. Unfortunately when one is suffering from PME, he pretends all is well, his wife or his partner equally turn her face to the left, while the two of them are consume in so many thoughts. His thoughts would be how to solve that embarrassing and devastating psychological health and social problems, while the wife, especially if she is young and adventurous, would be contemplating the years she is going to put up in  an unfulfilled marriage or relationship  and of course her mind would be tilting towards a finding a solution, even if such fulfillment will be secretly done outside her matrimonial home or with someone else

 

The husband will resort to visiting traditional herbalists who will be providing him with all sort of concoctions  to take on daily basis or just before he approach his wife, others will resort to taking Sex Enhancing Drugs such as Viagra, with out any proper prescription. At the end of such experience, such measures may temporarily alleviate the problem, but certainly the problem will still surface again. The more one experience PME , the more he is frustrated and it becomes a vicious cycle of problems upon problems  and one can definitely see it in the face of his wife or partner and that of course is telling one that he is not man enough and if care is not taking , respect and self confidence will diminish .

 

The commonest cause of PME is Anxiety , for someone that is newly married or in to a new relationship , Anxiety resort due to the fact that he is entering a new relationship and expectation may be high for both parties and at times there  is fear whether one would be able to satisfy his partner . That scenario lead to Anxiety and one becomes tense and lead to PME. With time as one develop confidence, the problem may improve, but for those who are unluckily, the problem lingers for a very long time. Even among the Old timers , Anxiety is the bed rock of PME , one comes back home with exhaustion and all what is in his mind is to make love and sleep , he is only looking at his own satisfaction , not his partner , as such he cannot last more than  one minute . Others are suffering from Sexually Transmitted Infections which weaken erection which also worsen PME.

 

PME is a health as well as social problem, as such its treatment may not be even taking any drug or concoction, but one is to try and improve his relationship with his partner. If any one out there really believes he has a problem or his wife is convince that the problem is leading to their marriage dissolution , such couple is not expected to start lamenting but  one of them need to take the initiative of opening a discussion about the PME . The man can open a discussion and admit that he has a problem and if he is the shy type, let the wife table the issue while they are alone. I believe that is the first step in solving PME. The next step is for the couple to thoroughly discuss the problem and try to identify the cause of his anxiety and in which way can they collectively address the issue. They can resort to going together to see a medical doctor, or the husband can go alone and on return  give his wife a feed back on the outcome his visit and what is recommended of them .

 

Let me mention some simple measures that couple can practice with the hope that their problems can be a bygone issue. Anxiety as explained earlier is the bedrock of PME , to alleviate anxiety is to make sure that on return home , let the husband rest for some time after retiring to bed before any action commences . To ensure relieving of anxiety, couple can prolong Fore-Play and forget about the actual Sexual Intercourse, let the suspension be at least for 20 to 30 minutes. By that time, they will discover that, they are all relaxed and such anxiety has remarkably improved. During Sexual Intercourse, they should be  intermittently disengaging to allow the man rest for like five minutes . Adopting these measures on a  regular basis, will ensure alleviation of anxiety, building self confidence and charisma and with time the PME will be a bygone issue and history.

 

Another mechanism of action is the use of Condom by the couple. Condom use will reduce friction and sensation and body contact as such one tends to stay longer than one minute. Couple can be alternating having intercourse with Condom and without Condom until PME improves. Let me say that, the principle of using Condom in this scenario is not to prevent Sexually Transmitted Infections or prevent conception, but to cure PME, as such, as I mention earlier on ,  PME can only be solved  among couple, if they adequately work together as a team and  thoroughly discuss the issue and jointly agree that it is a problem affecting every body that needs to be solved for the continuation, protection and happiness of their relationship .

 

In conclusion, let me say that majority of our Marital and Sexual Problems are mostly preventable as long as couples are willing to open up and engage in One on One discussion and help each others. Addressing Marital and Sexual/Reproductive Problems goes beyond visiting Traditional Herbalists or being on Sex Enhancing Drugs and also I enjoin the reading public and all stakeholders to stop seeing Sexual and Reproductive Health problems and their related issues as societal taboos that are characterized  with  conspiracy of silence, shyness and shame, but rather they should be seen as part and parcel of our life that need to be taking seriously and investing heavily on  , to ensure happy and lasting relationship.

 

Dr Magashi is the Executive Director of Community Health and Research Initiative, Kano , Nigeria and can be reached at healthinteractive@hotmail.com