Dialogue with Abacha

By

WADA NAS

wada@gamji.com

 

As the saying goes, “wonders would never end”.  It is very important for me to share with fellow Nigerians the super mystery I saw recently.

 

I was on my way to my home town Funtua two days ago.  A distance of roughly two hours journey from Kaduna.  It took my driver, speeding at 200km per hour, 12 good hours to arrive the town.  This was the first mystery.  The second one is that we left Kaduna at 8.00am, and after travelling for hours non stop, arrived Funtua at 10.00am: you wouldn’t believe this but it happened.  Both myself and my driver wondered.

 

On arriving Funtua, coming out of my car, a giant of a man extended his hand and suddenly I found myself sitting in his palm.  I started shaking but the man kept smiling.  Suddenly, he took me to a place I could not have imagined: it was a house three times the size of Kaduna.  The entire area, covering about 100km by 80km, was plastered with gold.  The walls were also made of gold.  So are all the rooms, numbering over 10,000.  All in gold.  He showed me so many wonderful things.  “Could this be paradise on earth?”  I quietly asked myself.  There is nothing in this world that you cannot find in the house.

 

I couldn’t ask questions because the man never spoke to me.  He was only taking me round in his palm.  Then he took me to one glittering room, the size of five football pitches.  You need to see that room.  Nothing can describe it except to say, the inner beauty of paradise.

 

As I was wondering aloud alone, not knowing where the giant went to, suddenly, General Sani Abacha appeared, looking a thirty-year young man, very robust.  He welcomed me.  But I was shaking.  We shook hands and offered me a seat.  Then he embraced me.  He was every inch feeling good.  “I ask you to be brought here in order to share some top secrets with me.  And I want you to be attentive as I talk” he said.  I asked myself whether I was day dreaming but reflecting on earlier episodes I calmed down.  Suddenly Hajiya Maryam appeared and I knew I was in a real wonder world.  She left us two to come back two hours later.

 

When she left, Abacha continued his narration.  “You have been taken round this house.  You have seen it and what it contains.  I built this house, which as you know is about 100km by 80km, with everything in gold, at a cost of nine hundred billion trillion dollars.  Not even the United States ever got such a sum.  But I got it and still have about one thousand times over.  I know you will be wondering how I came by such a sum.  I stole it, (is it not what you Nigerians call it?) from the treasury of Nigeria while I was Head of State.  But as you know Nigeria never got a total of 100 billion dollars during my tenure but I succeeded in stealing nine hundred billion trillion dollars from its treasury.  You know how good you Nigerians and your media are in making a nonsense good sense out of a puzzle.  And I admire them for that.  “If your total earning, for example, is 10 billion out of which I stole 100 billion, you know how good you are at calculation.  Anyway, let me assure you that out of 100 billion dollars, your total earnings for the five years I was in power, I was able to steal a miserable sum of 900,000 billion trillion!  This is me telling you this and you should take me for my word.  Just this little sum.

 

“Having said this, let me also let you into another secret.  You have been saying that your saintly and messianic government recovered only N100 billion from my family when I traveled out of this world to the yonder.  I wonder why they could not see the total sum.  If you multiply nine hundred thousand billion trillion to the power of its figure and re multiply it one trillion times, you get the actual amount I left behind.  So, go and tell them to recover the rest.  For long you have been asking your saintly authorities to explain to Nigerians what they did with this very small amount of N100 billion.  Please malam Wada, don’t ever ask your saintly president.  Never.  You see, when they took the money from my house, I just extended my hands from this room and snatched the entire amount.  I am now keeping it.  So you can see why I don’t want you to blame any of these saints of your leaders”.

 

“If you may recall, recently, one of your papers published that the Chinese, whom I brought to Nigeria, submitted quotation of N19 billion for the construction of the Abuja Stadium.  Others submitted about N38 billion.  Upon going through the various submissions, the IMF and World Bank people, who are now firmly in control of your people, calculated that the project could be completed with only N16 billion.  Now, they are bitter that they are dealing with corrupt people.  Before then, the Chinese protested to the IMF when the contract was about to be awarded to a French firm for N38 billion.  The Chinese wrote that huge corruption was taking place.  On reading their protest letter, your golden saints in Aso Rock quickly called them and offered them a portion of the project at N6 billion.  To cover up.  But to cover up what?  You know, saints don’t indulge in corruption.”

 

“Anyway, many of you do not know that I was the one who inflated the figure from N19 billion to N38 billion and quickly gave anticipatory approval and for that matter without budgetary support.  I didn’t go and tell everybody this.  I inflated it, I gave anticipatory approval and I made it possible for allocation of funds not to be made by NASS.  As you know, these are not serious offences.  Go and tell them I have my special power, decreed that expenditure, without NASS authorization, is absolutely constitutional.  By the way, who are those in NASS?  These ‘little boys’ who only yesterday were still being breast fed?  I am Abacha and by the special status of saintly stature dictatorship will continue to flourish.  Warn this your Na’Abba that if he doesn’t take care, Smith or Ige or Are are there to deal with him.  I also have my men in the conduct Bureau.  But Smith and Ige are enough for him.”

 

“Tell them also that I feel so sorry for the workers, (3000 of them) of Julius Berger that I had to use my dictatorial powers to give them N12 billion and because these workers are more in number than millions of jobless Nigerians, I thought it was alright to budget N10 million to increase their poverty by asking my party men to handle how to make them more poor.  It was my handiwork, you know”.

 

“I got Professor Aluko’s letter in which he told me that some very clean people in Aso Rock connived with some upright angels in the finance ministry and using false documents defrauded the government of N9 billion between April to September, when Malam Adamu was away.  When you go back, go straight to him and inform him that these Aso Rock and ministry people are me.  I directed them to do it because I am the only General Corruption in this world.  You remember the N2 billion (now about N20 billion) of those days.  I was also the one involved.  No doubt about it.

 

Go to Na Abba and tell him that I earmarked n1 million for each member so that he would be removed.  The total I gave out was N360 million at N1 million per member.  I am surprised, therefore, that his Turkish people are saying that I gave only N500,000 each, which is N180m.  it is a lie.  They must account for the balance, otherwise I will order somebody to rush to court to stop investigation into the matter and the court would direct them to go to Ige or Smith.  Why do you thin that I got an AD friend of mine to go to court?  It is to prove that I am the only excellent saint on earth.  This N360 million is from my pocket which I kept for Nigerians.  There is no corruption in taking Nigerian money to bribe Nigerians.  Its part of their own share of the national cake.  So there is no corruption there.  None at all.

 

And some f these your Resident Doctors, or what do you call them?  I read them saying that they discovered a fraud in their ministry to the tune of about N6.5 billion arising from payment to non existing  doctors of about 2000.  That 6000 were being paid instead of 4000, the actual number.  What do they mean?  I gave the money as dash to the 2000 doctors who never existed.  They are ghost doctors who are entitled to their own share of the loot.  What’s wrong with that?  You people have been making noise that Senators took N3.5 million, or is it N5 million, for furniture, while House members N2.5 million.  Good.  Why didn’t you talk when I purchased furniture to the tune of between N7m – N11m for these corps of my special assistants, who all have been assisting not to perform?  You in particular, Mallam Wada, what is wrong with you that you have been making noise over this little hypocrisy of mine?  O.k. I inflated the cost of N61 houses, as you people say.  This is the best way to fight corruption if you only knew.  Deceive them that you are Chief clean.  That’s all.  What is N2.8 billion?

 

I understand that this government of rights crusaders has been keeping Fasheun in detention for the past two years or so, while, on the other hand, Moh, Mustapha, Rabo, Bamaiyi, Yakubu and Yakassai stayed there for only three weeks.  And they are the ones who caused the murder of about 600 people in Lagos while Fasheun had a hand in the murder of only two or so persons.  It is very good of Ige to ethnicize the judiciary.  You know how he has been promoting ethnic tribalism for the good of the country.  Tell them that this is how to practice human rights.  Incidentally, Malam Wada, have you seen Yakassai of late?  Where is he?  Not in detention without trial, I hope?

 

Between February to August this year, I spent N10.8 billion visiting my friends around the globe.  The NASS people voted only N2.4 billion for this purpose, forgetting that I need to do some little lobby in Washington to get Clinton over here.  It does not matter that N10 billion was wasted on poverty nonsense as against N10.9 billion for my numerous friendship trips.  I am the president.  This was why the security details of my wife manhandled Mrs. Azikiwe without any iota of feelings.  Under my administration, widows and orphans have no protection, only harassment.  Make this very clear to the crusaders.

This is what makes me a good BORN AGAIN fellow.  Yes, I reborned to ill treat widows.  And so what?  So nothing.  In my own born again philosophy, we were taught to harass, intimidate and disgrace widows and orphans.

 

By the way, what happened to the N100 million given to one chap who organized a fake African Leadership Award, or something, during the independence celebration in Abuja?  Oh, sorry I think I kept the money in one of my breast pockets.  I now remember, I am such a trillonaire that I can’t remember much about such little million nothing.  You have to pardon me.  Indeed this is why I can’t remember much about the N600 million anticipatory approval I gave for hotel bills.  This is chicken feed, far less than Na’Abba and Okadigbo N115 million anticipatory street light project?  By the way, who, between the two acted anticipatorily?  Was the House Leadership and PDP caucus not involved?  Find out from Kuta and let me know please.  I had problem of understanding why some people were angry that some minister spent N20 million each to buy one page in foreign newspapers to advertise something with little value; N20 million for one page as against N80,000 in Nigeria, is a mere little feed to a chicken and not even enough.  And you also call this corruption through the back door.  What is corrupt there?  You people!

 

When you leave this place, go straight to Na’Abba and tell him, in his own interest, to withdraw his Turks from NNPC, ETF, the N2.9 billion for houses and such other oversight functions.  There is nothing to oversight there, except if they want some trouble.  I will detail the OPC to deal with them very severely.  They are the SSS of this administration and the policemen too.  If he Na’Abba me, I will Abacha him.  And he knows that I am a man of vendetta, vindictiveness and very cruel.

 

How dare little boys in the name of lawmakers disturb my dictatorial peace?  This, I will not tolerate and Na’Abba knows it.  OK, I told him that I will never work with him.  I will have to jail him, you know, it was because I didn’t want to see his face that I was reluctant in presenting my budget to NASS.  These gang of anti Na’Abba ‘fellows’ failed to remove him as ordered.  My plan was not for him to be on seat as speaker while presenting my budget but this N500,000 awoof spoilt the show.

 

You know, I have always said that without God, nobody would have made me president.  But this is not the case with Na’Abba.  He was not made speaker by the will of God.  Only I was made president by His special will.  But Na’Abba?  No.  Mallam, there are so many things I want to discuss with you but I am sorry that time is against you.  By the way, do you know the name of this place?  It is called MAKARYATA CITY.  I think I will have to let you go.  It is getting too late.  But take note that you would be brought back for further dialogue with me soon”.

 

With these final words, instantly he went into another inner chamber.  Coming out he gave me a gold watch worth 4 billion dollars.  It is now in a bank in London.  We bade each other goodbye and in the twinkle of an eye, the giant was around.  Soon I was in Funtua without knowing the road we followed.

 

As I promised him, I will let Nigerians know about the details of our meeting.  This dialogue with Abacha is worth a place in the file.


You can read more about my views in my webpage http://www.gamji.com/wada.htm

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